This week, Merlin and John talk about:

• Paper towels and washable towels (Attitude and Opinion)
• Crashing on the same couch without being roommates (Stories)
• Unintelligible lyrics by Billy Corgan and Michael Stipe (Music)
• Keyboard Players and The Greatful Dead (Music)
• Merlin’s guitar skills (Merlin Mann)
• John’s first guitar neck (Career)
• Herpes in New York City (Factoids)
• John visiting the Washington State Fair 2012 (Shows and Events)
• Hickeys and suction cup marks (Early Days)
• John's two-week military camp at Eielson Air Force Base (Early Days)
• Merlin went to military school (Merlin Mann)
• John's rugby group picture at Gonzaga University (Early Days)
• John’s High School girlfriend (Family)
• Group Showers (Attitude and Opinion)
• Sending 7th and 8th graders out to build trail (Building Trail)
• The Foo Fighters playing on Letterman (Music)
• They Might Be Giants playing on Johnny Carson (Music)

The Problems:

• There needs to be a lot more exhaustion in this country;
• we were really tearing through popes there for a while;
• one hickie, and suddenly you’re out-of-uniform;
• Billy Corgan: The Seriousest Kid on Earth;
• retirees and toddlers should NOT be sharing a classroom;
• why John could never be a full Grateful Dead person;
• pull up those goddamned pants—like a gentleman;
• when ganking, you can’t stab your fish until the new shivs arrive;
• guys, you gotta stay away from the heroin;
• you get that Trotsky tattoo, and you’re stuck with that Trotsky tattoo;
• Merlin’s morbid fear of Judas Priest;
• passing on that Orthodox stress bump? “Tradition!”;
• history clearly mitigates against the group shower;
• Paul Shaffer just keeps playing along;
• crafting an artisanal air guitar;
• how your “fitness regimen” is literally killing the environment;
• Jonathan Cain, last of a generation;
• pondering England’s functional pussies;
• introducing awkward sharing and constant uncertainty;
• startling new statistics on what 70% of New York’s men “have”;
• up to pie on katie bars of kitchen signs—but not me in;
• John shares how to properly blouse a pant;
• how did you get this number?;
• Merlin gives Hodgman a fresh pair of GoldToe®s;
• introducing new yokes to usefulness;
• Dave Grohl seems like a pretty nice guy;
• no skylarking;
• the little red-haired witch that flew over the moon;
• an abrupt change of plans for little Tyler Heraclitus;
• The Varieties of Wangus Experience;
• debating the indignity of the keytar;
• silent instruments of the holocaust;
• now it’s HALF a golf pencil, and you’ll like it;
• the category of things that are never funny;
• no excuse, sir;
• yeah, but, Rimbaud and Mozart were corner cases;
• functional data points on The Liberty Bell Curve;
• how come only the keyboard guys ever die?;
• and that is what you get for wearing a plastic faucet on your head for nine hours;
• “Shower down to get an ‘A!’”;
• only takes one shortcut to ruin the rugby photo for everyone;
• crisscross applesauce;
• entering Washington’s carnival worm hole;
• why Merlin may be better at guitar than he lets on;
• gaslighting the shit out of these kids;
• one day love will find you;
• more on helping Gibson find his duck;
• and, John’s important new plan for helping our young people.

The show title refers to John’s vision of letting 7th and 8th graders build trails for two years in order to contribute something useful to society.

Merlin never sounded so clear. It is almost as if he was sitting in John’s lap which would be awkward considering John is in the altogether. It would be very sad if Merlin were sitting there right now, because it would cause him to rethink all the questions that he thought he had already figured out. Like: Do I want to be on a naked man’s lap?

Merlin woke up 3 or 4 hours ago and he had a lot of questions. He went into the room with that chair and he didn’t even go to that chair.

Grover Cleveland was president of the United States two non-consecutive times. It was not the one who was killed by the Eastern European guy, that was McKinley. More presidents come from Ohio than any other state.