RL405 - Load-Bearing Bangs

This week, Merlin and John talk about:

The Problem: John can’t whistle loud, referring to John having never learned how to whistle with two fingers, unlike his dad whom you could hear for a mile.

The show title refers to John cutting half an inch off his bangs after not cutting his hair for 9 months and the whole haircut fell apart because those were load-bearing bangs.

Raw notes
The segments below are raw notes that have not been edited for language, structure, references, or readability. Please do not quote these texts directly without applying your own editing first! These notes were not planned to be released in this form, but time constraints have caused a shift in priorities and have delayed editing draft-quality versions to a later point.

The impossibility of drinking a whole gallon of milk (RL405)

John was reading online about the Gallon of Milk challenge where you drink a Gallon of milk, but it says that it is very hard to do and makes you barf. There was an ongoing gag on the JoCo Cruise because one of the regulars claimed that it would be no challenge at all to eat 50 eggs and it became a thing. But that is a legendary thing and they never put it to the test. This kind of thing intrigues John a little and he found out that the human stomach can only hold half a gallon of stuff, no matter what kind of stuff, which seems crazy because John thinks he can drink a gallon of water in 2 minutes, but maybe he is wrong.

Under normal conditions your bladder holds one liter of urine, which is like a Soda stream bottle or half of a two-liter-of-Coke. When Merlin was a kid he enjoyed stunt eating and at Church potlucks he would famously mix all of his food together into something he called Merlin’s Mush and and thought that was very amusing.

Back in the day when Jay Leno was still a pretty funny guy he did a bit on Mr. Potato Head, and it was the hardest Merlin ever laughed at a Jay Leno bit: ”Only in America can we take a piece of food and put eyes and a mouth on it. Imagine trying to explain this to someone starving in Asia!” People love the Hot Dog Man, there is Joey Chestnut, there is the other guy, there are so many foods where the food itself is personified.

The Cow billboard that said ”Eat Mor Chickin” [sic] (RL405)

There are billboards by the problematic sandwich chain Chick-Fil-A where a cow has scrawled in paint ”Eat Mor Chickin” [sic] and it misspelled the chicken because cows are dumb or can’t write very well. Merlin had a friend who worked at the mall and when you get hired at the Chick-Fil-A your first job is to go out and give away the samples. There was no Chick-Fil-A in Washington until very recently. Merlin’s daughter is very progressive and his family is forbidden to go to Chick-Fil-A, which next to Popeye’s was always Merlin’s treat when they were on a trip because it is a good sandwich and the people who worked there were very nice, but they have done some non-great-stuff.

Merlin’s friend Todd worked at the mall and later he became a manager at Arby’s where he worked with Merlin’s girlfriend. Merlin would go to the mall and see the cow holding the sign. John always felt terrible when he saw that because the cow was throwing the chickens under the bus and the cow has struggled to learn to read and write just for this billboard. The lady that delivered Merlin’s groceries: Her English is better than Merlin’s whatever-she-is-speaking, so let’s not look down our nose at the cow! She is just trying to get paid and stay alive like everybody else! She is pleading to not be thrown into the grinder, and that is a terrible motivation to learn to read!

Was John hoping for more of a Charlotte’s Web type situation that the cow would use its wisdom to bring some insight that we don’t have outside the bovine world? If cows can read and write, then there are going to be cows who are striving for justice and who are going to be advocates for cows, but there should also be cows who are speaking more generally about existence and showing us something about cow life that we didn’t know from the outside. There would be cows who would be interacting with the world primarily emotionally, there would be very literal cows. The question is if the hatred of chicken is shared among cows. They seem reconciled to the fact that humans are carnivores and that they are going to eat somebody from the barn yard.

Merlin thinks this ad is clever. In the 1980s and into the 1990s there were all the big wars between the big brands, especially in fast food. When Merlin was working at McDonalds and they introduced the McDLT (Big N’ Tasty), it was right around the time, in 1985/86 when everybody started asking: ”Where’s Herb?” with Burger King and even though they were just microwaved burgers they were all about chargrilled. Herb was the only person who has never had a delicious flame-broiled Whopper. John is sure he was a name because he has a nerd name.

Naming a child, John’s daughter’s five names (RL405)

Some names are typical nerd names, like Lennart, Norbert, or Filbert, anybody ending with a -bert, and you are going to be able to laugh at that person! Merlin thinks this is called Nominative Determinism. For example, if he is such a beautiful boy and you name him Jeeves he is going to be a high-status butler. Merlin gave his daughter an old lady name (Eleanor) and she changed it. Merlin was given an old man name. Merlin’s grandfather was born in 1900 and he was given that name as was his father as was Merlin and at the time it was a much more popular name.

John’s family wanted a name that was creative because they are all very creative people. A lot of their friends were giving their kids old-timey names. Merlin didn’t discover before it was too late that their friend Jonathan (Coulton?) gave his daughter the same old-lady-name that his daughter was given. They have another friend who named their daughter after Merlin’s wife (Madeleine), which is a wonderful name, but their other child they gave a name where John as a kid would have laughed out loud if he had only heard it because it is such an old-lady-name!

Last week John was reeling off the names of all those feisty catholic girls (see RL404, Irish girl names) and they all had fun names that you just don’t hear much anymore. You got your Kelly, Maureen. Merlin always wanted a girlfriend with a certain name that really appealed to him.

At some point in the gestation period they went to one of those classes that they make you take at the local hospital and the person teaching class said that at this stage in the gestation the child is about the size of an eggplant and they were really taken by that because you can picture that and an eggplant looks a bit like an R. Crumb drawing of a shapely gal with big thick thighs. Although the baby is not around yet you are referring to it all the time, what else are you supposed to be discussing? Mom is experiencing the baby on an hourly basis, it is pushing right against that one liter bladder, and she is going to say ”The baby X, the baby Y”, and pretty soon John was referring to the baby as Aubergine because it is a little eggplant.

By the time the child was nearing completion John was calling it Aubergine for so long that it felt like the child was named. John’s daughter’s mother however said that she was not going to name her child eggplant and saddle her with a lifetime of being called eggplant by meme-boys. She was instead throwing all those Goth-names at her like Imogen and Celestecine (probably Celestine), but what does that even mean? Imogen? You might as well put a pack of Clove cigarettes in her baby blanket. They were right back at square one, like Jane or Beth.

Merlin thinks that the final decision falls to the person giving birth, but John doesn’t necessarily agree. A woman has a right to choose right up until the baby is born, and after that it is no more choosing, but it is 100% a democracy. You want the name that as soon as you say it rings like a bell. Merlin thinks it does not need to be a cute name. If somebody says: ”Let’s get tacos!”, it will be two hours and they are still listing all the taco restaurants in Seattle, they are not good at that kind of stuff!

Two days after the baby was born, because they spent the night in the hospital the first night, and the second day neither of them wanted to leave the hospital, John was sleeping in a chair that was worse than being on an airplane, but he was so tired. They didn’t want to be kicked out because they were not ready to go out into the world yet. The world is so dirty and they were going to give them this baby, but they didn’t even know anything about babies. Put this kid in a car and drive it somewhere? In this economy?

A woman came into the room and said they were not going to release them until they came up with a name for the baby because they had to write it down before they went, but also they had to go, creating a logical conundrum. They had thrown every name in the book at this child, and it never felt right. Barb? No! It was the same nurse that had also been there during the delivery and John really liked her name and his daughter’s mother like it, too, so they just named the baby after her. It was great!

At the very last minute her mother said: ”I would like her middle name to be Imogen!” - ”You are going to try and sneak Imogen in there?” because John’s feeling was that Imogen had no connection to either of their families. They were all named after some Welsh great-grandmother and John’s middle name is Morgan because his great-grandmother’s middle name was Morgan. But Imogen? It is an Irish name and neither of them were Irish. For John it belongs to a black Irish girl with dark black hair, light-blue eyes, who is sitting on a cliff, the wind is coming over the fens and she is about to throw herself off of a cliff because her betrothed Heathcliff died at sea. It is super-Goth!

John didn’t have the power to say ”No!”, but he said that if she got Imogen, then he got Aubergine, so in their punch drunk insanity of that moment they named their daughter after the nurse and gave her two middle names, Imogen and Aubergine, and her mother’s last name is her third middle name, so she has got five names. Nobody told them going into this to not do that. You don’t go into the studio with three song fragments and book two months and say you are going to make an album. But you go in with 10 song ideas and if you are Nada Surf you have 25 song ideas.

John’s daughter is not old enough yet to look at her parents and say: ”Wait a minute! You really named me this?” Her name takes 2 minutes to say! One of Merlin’s tests was the back-of-the-porch rule or the playground rule: If you are lost and he doesn’t know where you are, he should be able to yell your name and not be embarrassed, and you should be able to hear and recognize it.

Does John’s daughter need 5 names? Maybe it is like Jenga and if you took out one of them it all falls apart? If you took out Aubergine and her middle name would just be Imogen, then it sounds like her mother grew up in the 1990s, wearing baby doll dresses and DocMartins, and Imogen got in there somehow because it was the name of her favorite purse or something or it was one of the colors of Benetton, like ”This chemise is Imogen”.

John didn’t want his daughter to have a name she was embarrassed by in any way and yet he has given her a name that when she shows up the first day of college and her room-mate sees her name written out on a piece of paper it will just be the source of no end of fucking shit, like: ”What kind of hippie parents did you have?” because it says a lot more about her parents than it says about her. In High School kids are not sophisticated enough to understand that your parents are dorks, but by the time you get into college they do, because they gave her a dork name. Imogen would be dorky, but Imogen Aubergine is Dork City! It is unforgivable!

John and Merlin not being able to whistle loudly (RL405)

Merlin had a secret knock for that, but he already forgot. John’s dad’s whistle was one of those where he would put two fingers in his mouth and you could hear him for a mile. Merlin can’t play piano, he can’t draw, and he can’t whistle loud, and all three of them are terrible regrets in his life. With the Internet you can look things up and Merlin tried to learn how to finger-whistle, but he lost the pliability of his mouth and can’t do stuff anymore.

Merlin’s daughter is the rare case who is able to make a ”w” with her tongue, which is incredibly upsetting. She would make a ”w”-tongue when she cried as a baby. Merlin would put his hand over her mouth and do like if you were to emulate First Nations people and it was so funny to him. He sent John a picture of his daughter doing this.

John never learned to whistle with two fingers either because he has a geographic tongue that won’t cooperate. He can’t tie a cherry stem into a knot. It is terrible because John is a man who should be able to signal across a football field with a very loud whistle, but he can’t. All Merlin wants to do is a whistle that communicates: ”Hey, look over here!” Maybe that is his new bar chords. At one Saturday morning in 1982 he woke up and could suddenly play bar chords, whereas that Friday night he couldn’t. Maybe he just needs to push through to finger whistle?

It could be another quarantine task! John learned to play so many things on the guitar that he didn’t know how to do back in February, and maybe if they both went on a deep dive and watched YouTube videos how to finger whistle and just practiced and practiced until they could finally do this, it would change their lives! Merlin is actually going to do that! There is still time!

John cutting his hair in January (RL405)

John had the great fortune that the last time he cut his hair in January he did a terrible job of it, but it was still passable, and it was one of those great bad haircuts that as it grew out it was consistently the same amount of bad. It is the opposite of a Floyd the Barber haircut (from The Andy Griffith Show) where you look great for a few days and then you have to come in a couple days later for your next haircut. During the whole pandemic John should have out of sheer boredom and insanity cut his hair on a thrice weekly basis, but every time he looked in the mirror he thought that it looked fine.

There is always a trigger event for cutting your hair and it is straight downhill from there. A big one for Merlin is when he can feel it on his face when he is trying to sleep, which drives him crazy. John has the same feeling when his beard hairs get into the corner of his mouth. For 9 months John didn’t touch his hair because there wasn’t a reason to. He couldn’t believe it! Like Fonzie in that scene where he takes out his comb but it is perfect already.

But a week ago John noticed that his bangs were whisking down a little bit too River Phoenix and he decided to just trim a little bit off of the bangs, he brushed them down, and he cut half an inch off of the end of the bangs, and immediately the entire haircut fell apart because those were load bearing bangs, and all of a sudden John looked like he was in the Bay City Rollers. 30 minutes earlier he looked like Indiana Jones if he had fallen down the hole in The Last Cruisade and had been living down there for 9 months, and now he looked like one of the guys in Slade.

John had created an imbalance and it wasn’t clear what it looked like, but all of a sudden he had too much hair on top. But now that he had already done it he also cut some hair off the back and now he looks like a mushroom in Fantasia. Merlin thinks of another thing he doesn’t understand, which is flower arrangement. First it is just a bunch of stuff in a vase and then it is an arrangement, but when you start snipping off some roses it is not going to help. Merlin has always been interested in the idea of a French garden vs an English garden, it is an interesting analogy for life, one being about control and regimentation and the other one being about being a steward of chaos.

Trends for names (RL405)

John was carrying around the name Alyeska for the Husky puppy that he was going to buy for 35 years, but he never bought a Husky and only later did he realize that every 3rd dog in Girdwood is named Alyeska. This is a very John Siracusa type point, although it is not about evolution: There is a Zeitgeist for almost everything and if you pick an old lady name, within two years old lady names are everywhere. Barbara, Lisa, Jason, there are those names that just explode because everybody is having the same idea. Like a Corona explosion: "Are there going to be more sick people after Thanksgiving?" - "Yes!" - "Does each individual person at Thanksgiving think: I am part of the problem?” - "No!"

When John was growing up every dog in Girdwood was named Barney or Fred or something like that. It was back when the general manager of the ski resort used to kick dogs if they were in his way as he was walking around, and people were mad at him, but these leash-less dogs shouldn’t be wandering around his ski resort village. All of the kids watching that scene were thinking that when they grow up they were going to name their dog Alyeska and now they are all named Alyeska.

John’s little girl could not have just one middle name and it be Imogen, but it sure as hell couldn’t have been Aubergine because people would think they were insane! John only realized it 9 months later and wondered if he was insane. You can’t name your child Aubergine!

Merlin’s name, his daughter’s name (RL405)

When Merlin was a kid everybody had mostly normal white people names, but with the middle name you had a bit more leeway. As somebody who entered every first day of school knowing he was going to have to tolerate jazz about his name, he didn’t want to give that to a kid. You can have one cute thing about a name, but you can’t have two cute things about a name. The child’s first name must be something that can be said over the phone without having to be spelled, but if you can’t live with that and have to name your kid Daenerys, don’t put a G in front of the D and say: ”Oh, the G is silent!” That is way too cute!

Merlin gave his daughter an old-lady name as first name and the last name of one Merlin’s favorite short story writers as a middle name. She wrote Everything That Rises Must Converge and A Good Man Is Hard To Find Flannery O’Connor), novels of the grotesque about people who might as well be named Eleonor. Merlin thinks Flannery is a good middle name. But his daughter hasn’t been to college yet and hasn’t had to read A Good Man Is Hard To Find. The misfit says she would have been a good woman if there had been someone there to shoot her every minute of her life.

There were all kinds of way-too-cute names that were just not going to cut it for Merlin, but he also wanted to give his daughter a kit and his first pick for a name he wanted to give her daughter was the most flexible female name that he is aware of, which is Elisabeth. You could be Bess, Beth, Libby, you could be so many things! Merlin likes how Margaret turns into Peggy. Merlin got instantly nixed because you can turn it into Liz, and the mother of Merlin’s daughter was harassed by a Liz at one point in middle school.

All of the middle names in John’s family are family last names.

John’s stupid pea-brained cat trying to get up on the window sill and she stepped on the microphone on her way across the room.

Has Merlin’s name been more a blessing or a curse throughout his life? Pound for pound over time he thinks that he has a cool name that most people don’t think is actually his name, but they assume it is his stage name, but would you pick that for a stage name? Would you name yourself the third (Merlin Mann III)? Like somebody from the rich kids camp. Merlin’s dad was always Merl and he was Merlin and he would brace for the first day of 2nd and 3rd grade. It was not always he custom to read the names so you could tell the teacher if they were pronouncing it wrong or and if you would prefer to be called something else. That is a new invention.

But Merlin’s dad died and Merl was gone and the first time he was ever asked that modern questions was Ms. Haire’s class in 4th grade in Ann Weigel Elementary Cincinnati Ohio, and completely off the dome Merlin said he would prefer to be called Merl, and that September day 1976 was when he started going by Merl, which his wife and John still call him to this day, which are almost completely the only people who do call him that.

Merlin thinks it is kind of cool now. His entire life he really just wanted to be a Todd or a Jason, he wanted to have a normal name and a normal life, if he already can’t have The Brady Bunch room. To be a not particularly monetarily advantaged child with an incredibly pretentious douche name was sometimes a little rough.

John being an invisible name (RL405)

John’s name is an invisible name, but weirdly every single John is different. They are routinely in a situation where John Flansburgh, John Linnell (from TMBG), John Hodgman, Jonathan Coulton and John Roderick are all in the same room and are in some cases the only men in the room. Merlin knows so many Johns, he podcasts regularly with John Roderick and John Siracusa, often enough with John Gruber, so he is dealing with an entire flight of Johns, and yet each John is different! If you knew six Brians you would be wondering what you are doing wrong in life. It would reflect some poor decision making. Scott Simpson has a very Lacrosse name.

Early on in life the first five women John dated as a grown up all had red hair. What is that? He doesn’t have a preference for red-headed girls, that is not a thing. Merlin had a similar thing where every woman he met said that she didn’t want to dress up as Catwoman, which is a weird pattern until you find your Catwoman.

John always wanted to be named Peter because you can say that with a British accent.

Bell-tone names like Jayden (RL405)

A few years ago it was all bell-tone names, which Nate Silver calls Reversion to the Mean, like Jayden and Kayden and Layden. The a-sound is called a bell-tone. Britney Spears had a kid named Jayden. Today they are still around, but you know a name has gone worldwide when you have to say Ayden L, Ayden K in class. John’s little girl is always happy to report with any group of kids, the ones where there is a Ayden, a Jayden, and a Bayden, or when there is a Haul, a Howl, a Hall, and a Hull. The old-man names come up again, like Sam or Max.

At some point John knew a Kirsten, a Kersten, and a Christin. Merlin’s wife works with a Kirsten. John thought he knew the world until he dated a Meagan and all of a sudden he was uncertain about every Megan. Your name should not introduce doubt, but it should provide clarity. John’s Meagan wasn’t spelled with an a or anything, but it was just spelled Megan, which breaks Merlin’s cute rule.

John’s mom changing the pronunciation of her name when she divorced his dad (RL405)

When John’s mom divorced his dad in 1971 she changed her name because she wanted to change her identity and she always hated her name apparently, but she didn’t want to change her driver’s license and her bank account, so she changed the pronunciation of her name, but left it spelled the same way (her name is Marcia and she now pronounces i Marcía instead of Marsha). When John was a decade-long feeling that he was being gaslit.

Merlin’s brother in saw who is just slightly older than Merlin’s wife knows that she loves spaghetti and they had 7 kids in the family so there was never quite enough food, so one time he put a bunch of hot sauce on her plate and gave it to her and told her it was spaghetti sauce and she ate it and got really sick.

John’s mom changed her name when she divorced his dad and moved down to Seattle, but it was spelled the same, and everyone in John’s family, his dad, his uncles, his aunts, his cousins, pronounced it the old way, and she had never explained to John that she had changed her name. There is something very definitely in the character of John’s dad and his family where it seemed to John as a 4-year old that they were intentionally mispronouncing her name in order to antagonize her.

From the age where John first heard his mother say in a clenched voice: ”Actually it is Marcía!” John’s dad snickered and rolled his eyes and John’s perception of this moment as a kid was that clearly his mom knows her own name, so why is his dad throwing shade on her and pronouncing it differently, but everyone John knew on his dad’s side of the family referred to her as Marsha and even still the name Marsha sounds like an intentional diss and an insult. John was 12 before it occurred to him finally that his mom had changed the pronunciation of her name at some point, and he wasn’t even brave enough to ask her about it, but he confronted his dad why he insisted in calling her he wrong name and he explained that he had been married to her for 10 years when her name was Marsha.

John didn’t even believe him and then asked her about it and in her off-handed way she was just like: ”Yes, well, I never liked my name!” None of the adults in John’s life ever realized that no-one had explained it to him. It was a major feature of the way he perceived his relationship between his parents and the way the relationship with his dad was colored because of the feeling that he and all of his relatives intentionally mispronounced her name as a diss. John was 3-4 years old when that happened and he had never heard her name pronounced before that, but she was just Mommy. And all of John’s dad’s relatives were probably never told she had changed it either.

Merlin thinks that people should be allowed to say what they want to be called and it takes very little effort to show that decency for people. It is different from Starbucks calling their sizes different things than small/medium/large because that doesn’t help fucking anybody and that is stupid. It is consistent with John’s dad that after a certain point in 1977, after she told him: ”It is Marcia, David!” that he would have made a point to stop calling her Marsha, but he didn’t, and that is consistent with him, it is a way of him being a dick. John felt bad energy for sure, but he can also think back to his young childhood where his dad just felt confused and bruised.

If John’s mom had changed her name to Tiffany or Jennifer it might have been easier, but it would be like if John wanted you to pronounce the ”h” in his name, like Jo-hon: Your mind is just going to read it as the word you know. The gaslighting of that is with John today. He had to re-evaluate what he thought were the people closest to him’s motivations because he had defended her, shouting: ”It is Marcia!” and people would look at him, like: ”Why is this child…?” It was the kind of thoughtless cruelty they would do in the 1970s and 1980s, they did not put John in this position, but they were having an adult fight and no-one had explained it to him.

John took sides and fought ferociously for a thing without realizing that he was fighting for a thing where he didn’t understand where everybody was coming from. The fact that his mom would never have said anything and would just stand there with her hands on her hips, like: ”Fuck you!” and never said to him: ”It used to be pronounced Marsha, but that is not what I want anymore!”, he would have understood that instantly and he would have fought for her in a different way without the feeling of broken-heartedness that him own dad was doing this terrible thing.

Merlin’s best friends grandmother (RL405)

When Merlin was kid his best friend John’s grandmother had been widowed and she moved into the house, his dad made an apartment in the finished basement for her. They called her Nonie. Eventually she got a boyfriend from church and married him. Her name was: Ardith Elsa Federica Brandhorst, but after she got married and remarried her name was Ardith Elsa Federica Brandhorst Donahue Biel, which is a pretty cool name. Ardith is a very cool old-lady name and it is very Irish sounding. She wore a wig that would be blowing in the breeze and false teeth and they would be eating the Eggos before they would head for Sunday school and she would transform into something else. Ardith is a little bit Game of Thrones if you put a ”G” in front of it: Gardith.

John’s sister spelling her name Suzan in the 1980s, her Reiki teacher being a conspiracy person (RL405)

In the 1980s John’s sister started spelling her name as Suzan, which is very Hypercolor (see OM42) and the type of thing that John normally would have antagonized her about, but he thought it was very cool and he wishes he could have put a Z in his name, like Zhan. She had adopted a new handwriting style, she was Punk Rock New Wave and she could no longer just write her words in cursive, but she had to have a new style where she dotted her ”i” with little symbols. If you do have a street name, let it be your name, but spelled with a Z, how awesome!

Susan has been a New Age wellness person for a long time. John doesn’t remember when it started, she read The Secret (book by Rhonda Byrne) and went through a transition where all of a sudden she was all about bells and chimes and incense. For the last decade she has really tried to discover and unravel a practice of spirituality and Eastern thinking and medicine and now she has been writing a book about her own path through this whole experience where John for a long time thought: ”Okay… Reiki!” and now he is really proud of her because she has invested herself in a school of thought that although he doesn’t interact with it personally he does appreciate the difference it has made in her life and she is now pivoting to being a teacher.

About a week ago she said that she was talking to her Reiki teacher who had made a reference that during Trump’s second term there would be an awakening. She wondered what that meant. John’s friend Ben Lee, the Australian singer/songwriter who sang that song about John liking The Pixies and who is married to Ione Skye, is part of the wellness community, which is the term of art that envelops all of the people you would imagine belong to that, and he has online be very vocal about the fact, which is becoming a mainstream understanding, that QAnon has infiltrated the wellness community through the backdoor of anti-vax and ”Save the Children!”

All of a sudden all of the yoga instructors and what John would have considered the ultimate hippie bolt ringers and people who were the true Granola crunchers, the linen pants crowd, are all of a sudden talking about the fact how Tom Hanks is drinking baby blood. It is weirdly nationalist at the same time, but they have been talking that one day they are going to ascend directly to heaven and leave their Nikes behind. When Alternative Medicine says that Western Medicine is incomplete and the fact that it rejects these older medicines is a flaw and practicing these other medicines in conjunction with it is a more holistic approach, that argument always resonated with John.

But then people start to say that Western Medicine as a whole is bad, not useful, and unholy. To say that holistic medicine is a nice way of broadening Western Medicine is totally great, but to say that it replaces Western Medicine, if you have an appendicitis, what are you going to do? It is the Christian science problem. People would all the time be prosecuted while they were sitting there praying while their child was dying of cancer. So many people right now are dying of COVID and claim that it is gum disease because they don’t want it to be COVID more than they don’t want to die.

John was trying to explain to his sister that when her Reiki teacher says that during Trump’s second term there is going to be a quickening, then she also believes that Tom Hanks is drinking baby blood and that Hillary Clinton is harvesting Adrenochrome. John asked Susan to ask her teacher about that and she wrote back within a minute that the Matrix was a documentary, that she wants Susan to red-pill herself and she had recently been educated recently and she has a couple of documentaries she would like Susan to watch, but the long and the short of it is that: Yes, Hollywood and politicians are harvesting babies and Adrenochrome is real.

Susan didn’t even know what Adrenochrome was. Like they said in the movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: If you really want the good shit you have to milk a monkeys. Susan started texting her wellness people and within the course of 48 hours she found out that she is personally acquainted with in a professional intimate spiritual New Age relationship with 5 different people who believe that Tom Hanks is milking scared babies for Adrenochrome. She was standing there in almost a comatose state with confusion. She had never heard of this before, but all of a sudden she realized that she knows multiple people who believe this.

She was struggling with the fact that they were all hippie leftists, the ones that believe in the oceans and stuff, so how can you possibly… and she still doesn’t have her head around it. She had been going through this New Age thing for the last decade and this was a profound upturning of what she believed that whole movement is and she said: ”What do you mean, the last decade? I changed my name to Suzen back in the 1980s!” - ”Su-zen?” - ”Yeah, zen!” - ”Zen? That was a zen instead of a ’z’ in the middle of a cool Punk Rock name?”

Music for a mess-age? Ching, ching, ching! Hare ki, camuna batada.

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