RL340 - Scared and Stupid

This week, Merlin and John talk about:

  • John having a lot on his plate (Currents)
  • John went to the gym (Aging)
  • Healthy food (Aging)
  • People who work out looking like slaves (Attitude and Opinion)
  • John going to the doctor and needing a colonoscopy (Aging)
  • John not wanting any drugs when he is in the hospital (Drugs)
  • Merlin’s cat (Merlin Mann)
  • John not having gotten the best parts for his body (Aging)

The Problem: All of the good stuff is air, referring to healthy food being a lie because all the good stuff like spinach is just air and if you blend it down you are left with nothing.

The meaning of the show title is currently unknown.

This episode has been pre-recorded on 2019-05-27.

They start the show making growly noises speaking in Spanish. Merlin claims it has been a full week since they have recorded, but he still feels the ice cream and the M&Ms, but actually this episode and the previous one have been recorded back-to-back. He really wants to take a nap!

John starts to whistle, Merlin chimes in and sings ”In a world of pure imagination…” Capitalist trout killer, God!

Merlin keeps mentioning the Chernobyl documentary that he recommended in the previous episode, but John never picks up on it.

Draft version
The segments below are drafts that will be incorporated into the rest of the Wiki as time permits.

John having a lot on his plate (RL340)

John woke up this morning and immediately started negotiating with the day. He has a lot of things on his plate and has to find space for them all. Step 1: Find a plate. Step 2: Find a clean plate. Not very long ago (see RL338) his mom told him: ”You have a lot of stuff going on right now! Don’t get sick!” He needs to maintain a state of #aloha if he wants to make it through this year. John replied: ”Yes, right!” and when he woke up this morning, he was like: ”Aloha!” It is the most useful in situations where he thinks that things should be a certain way, but they are not. That is the danger for John: ”Don’t think things should be a certain way! Things are the way they are, #aloha, don’t think things should be a different way!"

Merlin has various anxieties and when he gets into a panicky streak he turns to all the things that he is supposed to be doing all the time. It is the equivalent to when you step on the scale and realize: ”Wow! Suddenly I am 20 pounds (9 kg) more than I thought, I guess I better run around and do a bunch of stuff!” Merlin does stuff like meditation when he gets panicky or anxious and it has gotten to the point where he associates deep breathing with stress. He is in a Serenity Now type situation! If he wants meditation and deep breathing to be prophylactic for his condition, he needs to not just do it when he is feeling stressed out.

The same is true for using #aloha. John figured out a while back that it will not walk him back from a heightened state of tweaking, but he has to have already been #aloha. As soon as he gets up to a state of anxiety he needs a different method, he can’t just say ”#aloha”, close his eyes and breathe, because: ”No!” He had to have started there.

John went to the gym (RL340)

Recently John went to an YMCA gym. He walked over and he was wearing some 1950s Athletic Guy champion cotton sweats that said ”Cruise” on it because it was an hilarious inside joke of the JoCo Cruise at the time and they all laughed and laughed. John has been in gyms before, he knows what a gym is, he knows what you do there, pretty much, but he asked: ”Where do you start if you haven’t been to the gym in 6 years?” John is not working on his pecks right now because that is not where you start. You are not working on your lats first thing. John was looking around and one of the things that kept him out of the gym for 6 years was stretching: He doesn’t want to sit there and stretch, he doesn’t want to do yoga, he just wants health to descend upon him like a fog.

John had never been on a treadmill before and he always hated them. ”If you want to go for a walk, then go for a fucking walk! What are you doing in here going for a walk?” But now he walked over to it, he looked at it, it had a video screen, it had some buttons on it, and he stepped on it with his Converse tennis shoes. He looked like a basketball coach from the Animal House era and the only thing that was missing was a whistle on a lanyard. After a year at the gym he will treat himself to some coach shorts that lace up and an extremely tight T-shirt, that would be a smart look.

They made it really easy because there was a button that said ”Start” and when John pushed the start-button it asked: ”What kind of workout do you want?” There was ”aerobic”, which he understood was good for you and so he pushed that. It asked: ”Well, where are you starting?”, John pushed the button and the thing started to move. John was walking along at the pace that you would be walking through a JC Penney’s if you are getting school clothes, but you are not sure if you want to be there and your mom is dragging you there. It wasn’t very much exercise.

There were two paddles on this thing: Speed and incline, and John flipped the speed paddle until he was walking at his usual walking pace, right around 3.5. He was unbalanced because there is a rhythmic stumble in his normal walking. He was bobbling along for a while until the machine said: ”Now we are going up a little hill!” It was all fine, it was going along.

After 15 minutes John was thinking that he could be doing this outside and he wondered what the advantage was of doing it in here because he had walked across Europe! Outside you have dirt to walk through, you got birds and stuff, you have to talk to the crows as they happen, but maybe he just wasn’t going up a steep enough hill? He went to the other paddle and thought: ”Let’s get this show on the road a little bit!” To keep his pace he had to dig in a little bit now and then the machine said: ”Now we are going up a higher hill!”

Now he was working, plugging away, trying to keep this 3.5 pace, whatever that is, going up this 9-sized hill, and he realized that you couldn’t do this outside because you would have to find a set of stairs that was a mile long where you could keep this pace without needing to cross any streets and so on. It was like a San Francisco street where if you were on a bicycle you would have to be a pretty tough customer. Merlin has a pretty steep hill where he lives. Even if you were climbing up a hill on a hike you would still be tacking because you wouldn’t walk straight up the face of a mountain, but usually there is a path around the outside. This was a hill that both John and Merlin would not be comfortable skateboarding down.

John was cooking and the sweat was starting up. He was breathing hard because he was going up this hill, and he and this fake sidewalk went on this whole adventure together for 45 minutes. Once it was harder work his mind was not off on some: ”Why aren’t you outside? There are no ravens to talk to in here!”, but he was just breathing and thinking about nothing and he understood what this was here for: You are duplicating a thing that happens in real life, but you are doing some other kind of different thing.

At some point John looked over to his peers and there were some people running on the thing, which he was pretty impressed by. A lot of people had headphones on and John thought about what that would be like, but he is pretty sure that it would be too distracting. The only other person who was working at John’s pace was 75 years old and he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a fanny pack, a baseball hat, floraline khakis (?) and some New Balance shoes. They were keeping pace with each other. There was another 75 year old guy doing pull-ups. John has a lot of work to do to get up with these guys.

John went on a 45 minute adventure on this machine and then he turned it off and walked over to the drinking fountain. As he was walking the room it appeared as if he was moving at a different pace, like he was walking with a green screen behind him because he had been walking very fast and not moving and now he was walking more slowly, but the room was moving. His body took a full minute to re-adjust to the motion, it was really cool!

John would do this every day for 45 minutes, just to have that little one minute of tripping! He walked past the drinking fountain and down to the end of the hall and back, but he was not thinking about Eric (Spurlock). He doesn't think about him as much anymore (see RL135), but Merlin still does. Maybe John has passed that on to them all and doesn’t have to carry that burden? They also gave it to Siracusa!

Something has to happen right now in terms of John making decisions on behalf of Future John. Present John, be-here-now-John, just wants to get a pint of ice cream and fill up the remaining space with M&Ms as he is eating it down (as merlin did in RL339). It is all Present John ever wants. Future John, even Tomorrow John, doesn’t want that, let alone 10-years-from-now John.

The last time John had been to the gym was also a YMCA. Other people probably wouldn’t have considered it a walking distance from where he was living at the time, but John considered it a walking distance because he was still a walker then. He would wake up in the morning, put on his coach outfit, walk out the door, and walk to the Y on a pleasant long walk with a variety of territory on the way, at which point he would be warmed up and he would stretch and go in and do his weight lifting.

At the end he would walk home. He would also do a little bit of biking in the gym although he doesn’t like those bikes. The whole thing would be a couple of hours. Merlin finds the bike more existentially upsetting than the treadmill. John doesn’t like the stair climbers either, at least he didn’t used to. The Y that John went to now is on the other side of the airport and to get from here to there is a considerable distance, walking around a not-small airport on a perimeter road.

There are three airports in John’s part of Seattle and his daughter Marlo decided many years ago that there was the Mama airport, the Daddy airport and the Baby airport. The Daddy airport is the one with three runways that runs 7000 Alaska and Delta flights an hour, the Mama airport is Boeing field where all the interesting jets, the space jets and the Blue Angels all happen, and the baby airport is the little Renton airfield which has a Boeing airplane factory on it and only makes 737s. This trip to the Y involves walking around the Daddy airport and he would come out the other side doused in jet fuel, it is that much of an Industrial experience.

John would love it if he didn’t have to drive to do his fake walking. Merlin ambulates very differently now than when he lived in Tallahassee because he could walk to the actual big boy gym with the laminated card by the movie theater on Thomasville Road, even though you don’t really walk in Florida unless you have a DUI, but Merlin did walk there in probably six minutes. It was definitely less than a Safeway away. Merlin measures distances in terms of Safeway and West Portal. It was less than half a mile, but that still wasn’t enough and he would still just drive by it all the time. It does not take much resistance for something to not happen, especially if you are trying to build a habit of this being a thing that you do.

Healthy food (RL340)

John started to go to the Coop grocery store where they have Müsli and a hot bar, except a hot bar where you can get two different kinds of ancient grains and they will put some Tempeh on it. Merlin takes a Tempeh over a Tofu. His wife had an impossible burger last night at the place where she and Merlin’s daughter were staying. He has never had one because they have a shortage in San Francisco. John says that they are amazing and really good, they are like hamburgers. We have arrived at the future!

At the hot bar you could get Quinoa, some nature vegetables, or some nature foods, maybe with some nature meat on it. If you fill up that box to the top it will cost $10, and if John went there every day and had just one $10 box with nature vegetables and nature foods, how much better would everything be? Most people go there when they are hungry, but you don’t want any of that food when you are hungry. To build a habit you should go there when you have already eaten.

John has also bought a super-blender and he could conceivably put all his ancient grains and 70 pounds of spinach in there and it will just disappear. You put it all in there and you could start every day with an entire natural food store. You can make a natural slurry, gobble it down in the morning, and you would have eaten all your food for the day. You can have a Soylent at dinner time, walk on the treadmill for three hours and be a superhuman.

Merlin can't believe how an infant-sized box of baby spinach turns into two servings of sautéed spinach and ends up being nothing. When you sauté spinach you realize that the whole idea of nutrition is a lie. There is nothing there, it is just air! All of the good stuff is air! If you let ice cream melt it is still ice cream, just melted, and it still accommodates M&Ms, but if you let the spinach melt down, there will not be a trench or any room for M&Ms.

John’s super-blender turns anything into soup. It is one of the nice ones that can destroy some produce and afterwards it is basically ketchup. John should be using it every single minute of every day, he should go to the natural food store, get a box of Quinoa, bring it home, throw it in this thing, eat his food with a straw, have half of a glass of Soylent at the end of the day and spend the rest of the day lifting weights. He would live to be 111-teen. Think of how much enjoyment he would get out of everything!

John and Elon Musk would be working on a new super-tunnel where you could just drive your car. Merlin interjects that you wouldn’t get to enjoy food, because where does chili fit in there? You could put some chili in the super-blender and drink it through a straw. John could put a can of Wolf chili into the super-blender and if he added some ancient grains to that and a little bit of sleussy spinach he could turn that into some kind of a super-drink that he could have with a straw and some blueberries. John could have one unbelievable burger (impossible burger) every day.

John's first unbelievable burger was made by his sister. She had asked if he wanted one and he said: ”No! Not on your life! I can tell the difference between your greasy Chickpea Patty and a real burger!” - ”Why don’t I give you a little bite of my burger?” - ”Okay, fine! You know what? I’m an adventurer, I am a person who will try anything once, I will have a bite of your stupid unbelievable burger!" and she made this thing and put it on a nice bun with a piece of lettuce and John said: ”Don’t dress it up with a bunch of flimflam!” Merlin calls Textured Vegetable Proteins for TVP. It can be nice in a spaghetti sauce, but he is not going to mistake it for a meat.

For years John has been putting a pound of Tofu in his spaghetti sauce because: Who can tell? Who cares? He also put two pounds of hamburger and a pound of sausage in there and he thought there should be a pound of Tofu in there because it was exactly the thing that his dad used to do: He would call it healthy because he wouldn’t put salt in it, but you wouldn't put salt in a Phat Fudge Sundae anyway. Merlin’s spaghetti sauce is like some people make a Martini: You spray some Vermouth this way and then just pour all the gin in. Merlin only puts a little bit of nightshade tomato in there because it can be hard on a person’s tummy.

”Enjoy” is probably a strong word when it comes to a blended beverage like that for John, but he wants to live to be 111-teen years and be one of those weird-looking guys who is really ripped, shredded like lettuce and with that weird super-white chest hair on his slightly developed man-tits, wearing a ripped-up ”Gold’s Gym” shirt, with coat shirts and cleats. Everybody will be wondering why he has cleats. He must know something they don’t know! John will be coaching baseball. He is going to have that whistle and blow that whistle.

People who work out looking like slaves (RL340)

Some people are into men’s wear and a lot of people are into working out and if you put those together, you get a bad look. You see guys in tailored suits with GymRa bodies, but suits aren’t made for that! Suits are made for people who don’t work out and who are busy doing suit things. Merlin says that the president (Donald Trump) looks fine from one angle, but from any other angle you realize that the suit is doing a lot of the work. John doesn’t know what angle he looks good from because his suits look like theater curtains that have the material of two suits in them. Big Burger’s post the other day (?) was about the president being at a funeral for some fallen soldiers and his pants were much longer than they needed to be.

People who have really nice bodies now have the kind of body that only Spartacus or slaves would have throughout history. Rich people deprive themselves of calories and do mysterious work that is effectively lashing themselves to a wheel. Throughout history that has been the recipe for a slave! For a lot of people at the gym there is a beating component as well. They try to put on a suit, which is traditionally the costume of the overseer and you get a little bit of a cognitive dissonance. Why is the slave wearing the costume of the overseer? This is a hot hot hot take!

At some point we decided that wealth was best communicated by making ourselves look like history’s most deprived. Merlin gets the feeling that most women want the effect of seeing Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2. In Terminator 1 she looks like a pretty gal, but then she has gotten hard! This means that the model for workout people now is someone who has had a horrifying vision of the future where a murderous robot has come back in time to kill her, keeps finding her in the phone book and then she is told by her lover, who also came back in time, that the world is coming to an end and that their son, whom they conceive in one passionate night before he is murdered by the robot, is the son that will go on to be the one last hope of humanity. That is the look that workout-girls want!

Linda Hamilton drove her Jeep down in Mexico, which is a great Jimmy Buffett song. John doesn’t understand who the role models are, because if you got a little affluence your role model should be someone who never had to lift a heavy thing in their life. You see significations like ladies with long nails or a version of bound feet. Long nails is a way of telegraphing to the work that you don’t need to do a lot of manual labor, including typing. John meets almost every person he knows with really long nails in the context of typing. It is like super-high heels for your hands, but still they are amazing typists! It is even harder on a iPad, but for them this is life!

Merlin has learned a woke thing: Don’t give people compliments, and if you are going to pay somebody a compliment, make it about their choices. You don’t want to say something like: ”I like big asses”, but you can say: ”I like your Android phone screen. The way you have arranged that is nice!” or you can say ”I love the choice that you made to have the whole top part of your underwear visible!” It is bold and brave, but you probably wouldn’t do that, because even if you knew them really well, the better you knew them it doesn’t get better. The better John knew them, the less he would think it was brave and the more he would feel like it had been an accident.

John going to the doctor and needing a colonoscopy (RL340)

”What I want” is that John doesn’t want to look like he is lashed to a wheel and he also doesn’t want to die of heart congestion that no-one was able to figure out in any of the tests. John reached 50 years old and everybody told him he had to go to the doctor, so he went and she said he had to get some tests. Doctors are never going to tell you that you are fine. When was the last time you went to the dentist and they said that you are good? They never say that! John’s doctor didn’t say: ”You are good!”, but: ”You seem good, but a lot of things don’t present. It has been a while, so we should do some blood tests!” - ”I have done blood tests!” - ”Yeah, but things change, you are 50 now!” and so they did some blood tests and everything looked great except John was a little high on the cholesterol.

”So that is great, right?” - ”Well, it seems great, but there are a lot of things that we can’t know so you need a colonoscopy!” - ”Well, I’ve heard about that. Shouldn’t we just do that today?” - ”No, a colonoscopy is not where the doctor puts her finger up your butt, we are going to do that today, too” - ”Do we have to?” For a colonoscopy you have to drink the stuff, you don’t eat for a while, and they put a whole thing up you that has a video camera on it and goes all the way up and tickles the inside of your ear. ”I don’t want anything to do with this!” - ”You have to do it and you have to promise me that you will make the appointment!” - ”I am super-bad at making appointments!” and John hasn’t done it yet (see RW146).

John doesn’t want to go in at any point ever and have them go: ”Oh, it was a thing that we couldn’t find on the tests” or ”If only you had had the one test!” John never wanted to wear a ”Gold’s Gym” shirt, even when they first arrived. He doesn’t have a Mr. Zog’s Sex Wax shirt, he doesn’t have a Painter Cap that has weird French Foreign Legion tales on it, he does not have a ”No fear” sticker, he never had anything that said ”Mustache rides” or ”Liqueur in the front, poker in the rear” or anything like that. You can’t give away mustache rides for free because of tax reasons. He might take Bitcoins, they are going up now again. John should have bought some of those! He and Merlin have been there and they laughed.

John not wanting any drugs when he is in the hospital (RL340)

John was talking to somebody about having to get a colonoscopy and they told him: ”Oh, you are going to love it!” because they give you the Michael Jackson drug, but John is not on drugs. Merlin had colonoscopies because of his chronic condition (Colitis Ulceros, see RL55) back in the day and you are not looking forward to drinking a gallon of that stuff. They might have given him the Michael Jackson thing. John doesn’t want to get high, that is fundamental to how he goes through the days!

Every time John comes to a crossroads in life he looks down as far as he can to where it bends into the undergrowth and he will ask himself: ”Which one of these roads is going to lead me furthest away from getting high on something?” Whoever ends up buying John’s house, they are going to discover cigarettes over so many of the doors that John never smoked, and why is there all this weed hidden under all the floor boards?

There is a pretty good reason it became the Michael Jackson drug because supposedly it is the funnest thing ever. Is it called Triphemedor? No, that sounds like one of the feudal homes in Game of Thrones. The drug is called Propofol! Merlin heard about this recently on a podcast of somebody who recently had this for a thing and apparently it was ba-na-nas! It makes you feel the way you have never felt before. They continue throwing drug-names at each other.

John never had to go into a place and say: ”I don’t want to get high!” Everybody who comes in there thinks the one good thing about this thing where they stick this thing up your butt is that they get a chance to get high. At the same time John doesn’t want to sit there with a horse’s bit in his mouth either. Is there a second option? Merlin thinks they can do a local anesthesia.

This is the thing that is amazing about being a human being: Just when you think you have got it all figured out, one of your friends dies with no warning for no reason. ”What happened with him?” - ”It turns out he had a mysterious thing that didn’t show up on any tests and there was no way he could have known about it and he sat down one day and died” - ”What am I supposed to learn from that?” Either never sit down or never go to a doctor, because what the?

One of John's friends, a pretty good pal the same age, the one who did that Silkworm record, got told by his doctor not very long ago that he had cancer in his testicles, which is either going to kill him immediately or he can go into chemo-therapy and drink a cup of acid that will burn his whole body from the inside out. Also, one of his balls has to go. He is soldiering on and he is toughing it out! Both of his parents died of cancer and it is ringing a bell in his head.

He got sober within the last year after having been a fucking drug addict for 35 years. But where did that come from? Two months ago they were talking about him going to meetings and getting sober and that things are good. They were talking about it like it was the hardest shit to not fall off the wagon, but now how about you still have to do that, but you also have to drink acid all the time? People say: ”We can give you this consolation prize for all of your pain!”, but he can’t do those because that is the worst pain in a way, it is worse to go back to that.

Merlin understands and respects John’s resistance to this even though it seems a little eye-rolly to him when he thinks to himself: ”John, Theraflu is going to be fine!”, but John is how he is. For the first time he is giving John the caution-yellow-card, because apparently people who get the Michael Jackson drug super-like it pretty fast! This is what happened to Chris Cornell: They gave him the same stuff. The problem with opioids is that you go in for legit reasons, like you are a minor and you fell on your knee, and two weeks later you are a drug addict. It doesn’t take very long. ”A minor on a steel horse you ride?” (lyrics Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi) - ”A miner 49er and his daughter Clementine” (lyrics Oh My Daughter Clementine, traditional American Folk Song)

Merlin’s cat (RL340)

Merlin took the cat in again. Isn’t it time to put the cat down? Yes, it is! It is the perfect time! They have taken all its teeth, they have taken everything. Merlin can’t go to the hot bar and not spend $17 and he can’t go to the vet and spend less than $1500, which for a few years now has made him go ”Huh!” Isn’t that funny that no matter what he picks at the hot bar it is never less than $17 and doesn’t it seem kind of ironical that no matter what they take the fucking cat to the vet for, it is always four figures? It is the homeowner monetary unit they used to talk about: Anything you do on your house starts at $5000 and goes up.

The cat is super-old and she was acting a little screwy. They could tell that she was constipated and was having hard poops and they took her in. The first thing the wizard did was to feel the cat from the outside, making eye-contact with Merlin as she howled their shivering 6-pound cat and went with her fingers up the side, fiddling around. Just with her doctor-hands she opined that there was a lot of hard poop in the tract, and then she got to the side and went ”Huh!” and said: ”There is something unusual here!”

Now Merlin is thinking the cat has got fucking cancer! His brain peeled out and he was instantly panicking. It is not even the money thing at that point, but he doesn’t want the cat to die and everybody be sad. He was instantly thinking he was George Costanza and he wanted to get out of there and he wanted them to say that it is definitely not cancer, but that is how they get you! Now they needed to run these tests.

The test-results were that he got a fucked-up old cat, but no cancer, and they might want to get her screened again because she has hard poop, so they gave her a $125 enema that produced nothing and they said: ”You can have an explosive enema cat for a while!” - ”That is fine! It is already my job to clean that up anyway!” She is still making raisin nuts and milk duds, by and large. Has Merlin considered that she might be a deer? ”(Re!) ray, a drop of golden sun” (lyrics Do Re Mi by The sound of music) It sounds like deep poop to John, although he is no expert.

Merlin goes off on a rant how doctors leverage their power differential to get you. "If you don’t floss, you are going to get a heart attack!", that was a printout Merlin used to get from his dentist. Now John wants a doctor to feel his flank and tell him that he has hardened poop, he didn’t even know that doctors could do that! She said that over here it could be a kidney out of place, over here she could feel that there were hard poops, and over here there was a Chinese guys saying: ”No soup!” A lot of people say: ”Oh, my pancreas”, and then the doctor says: ”Your pancreas is on the other side!” John never complains. He is in pain if he complains and if he is in pain he doesn’t complain. Too blessed to be stressed!

John not having gotten the best parts for his body (RL340)

John doesn’t have pain, but he does recognize some flaws in his body. He was manufactured with some flaws from the factory, a little bit of planned obsolescence, some of it is that his face doesn’t fit right onto itself. He is setting aside stuff like getting jumped because that is all on him. The one knee that had the surgery on it was his responsibility. He fucked up! Then the other knee was having to bear the lion’s share of the work and weight over the years. It is a side-effect of the other knee and he can’t complain.

John asked the doctor in a general informational voice what can be done about the fact that the knee doesn’t appear to be getting better as he gets older and the doctor said it is only going to get worse, but also: Trying to fix it will be way worse than it being half-ass broken like it is now. For his whole life John will have this broken knee and by the time he finally needs this knee actually replaced to stay mobile it will be terrible and worse than it is now, so: "Just count your lucky stars!” - ”Great! Thanks!” They were not trying to make any money at that point, they were just trying to set John up for feeling bad for a decade.

John’s lungs were also made carelessly. At the point when God was making all the parts, John's initial framework was: ”Let’s put together one who can Tote that barge and lift that bale (lyrics from Ol’ Man River by Paul Robeson), who could conceivably carry a child through a war zone, and not even a small child, but an injured 10-year old!” They had some very cool parts and this was going to be amazing, ”Let’s build one who doesn’t complain!”, but they were out of good lungs that day and so they put in lungs for a smaller person.

The last thing was the eyes: They took some eyes that were meant for a beaver and colored them blue to make everybody think they are human eyes. A beaver doesn’t need to see that far, a beaver uses other senses, like Daredevil, and they are in murky water a lot of the time. A beaver doesn’t have eagle eyes, but eagles do, and a beaver doesn’t need to be watching for an eagle. A lot of little aminals [sic] have to have eyes that can look up there. There are a lot of angry aminals [sic] like a Wolverine or a Tasmanian Devil, but most of them are trying to eat other animals.

That is how angry they are! It is a predatory anger, but a beaver is just grumpy and the number one thing that a beaver does besides eat trees is slapping its tail because it is irritated. It is just a very irritated fat little bad-toothed half-blind fur thing that has the diligence to sit and chew down a tree. That is probably why they put beaver-eyes in John because they said: ”He has got a lot of the qualities of a beaver!” John would sit and chew on a tree until it fell if his teeth weren’t so fucked up! ”Why didn’t they also give him the beaver teeth?” John is like a reverse Chimera, he got eagle teeth! The Germans are the lovers, the beavers are the cooks…

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