RL334 - Ms. Manager

This week, Merlin and John talk about:

  • Talking about all the bits of the show (Podcasting)
  • John sleeping naked (Sleep)
  • John only getting 4 hours of sleep (Sleep)
  • The 9/11 attacks (Conspiracy)
  • How John imagines the listenership of this show (Podcasting)
  • UFO sightings (Conspiracy)
  • DocuSign (Factoids)
  • Merlin explaining cheques to his daughter (Money)
  • Chris Walla collecting girls' underwear (Early Days)
  • John living with Chris Walla in a huge loft (Early Days)
  • Chris Walla selling his guitar and getting a fake cheque (Stories)
  • John taking a fake traveller’s cheque at the news stand (Employment History)
  • Picking your phone number (Technology)
  • Is Jeff Bridges a cross between John and his dad? (Style)
  • Google's habit of closing popular services (Technology)

The Problem: I’ll bet he could golf, referring to Luda, the guy who bought Chris Walla's guitar with a fake cheque and who looked like a Business Development guy.

The show title refers to John’s daughter’s mother wearing boots that approximate horse’s hoofs, which is a power move and tells you that Ms. Manager is coming.

John made sure that Merlin remembered to record their conversation this time.

Draft version
The segments below are drafts that will be incorporated into the rest of the Wiki as time permits.

Talking about all the bits of the show (RL334)

Merlin likes it when people take his jokes and turn them back to him or explain them to him. Because nobody understands John’s jokes, nobody can turn them back to him or explain them to him, but that doesn’t stop them. Merlin has been standing there head in hands, when that happened. John keeps waiting for somebody to come up and say ”Keeping a small bag packed, amirite?” and then handing John a bag of money. It would be a great job of riffing on one of their riffs. Merlin doesn’t like putting a hat on a hat, but you need to make one joke at a time, unless part of the joke is that it is several jokes, which is a very high level to be operating at. John likes money, he is not made of stone!

John would like somebody to come up to him and say ”All the great shows!” and then hand him a business card with ”Producer of shows. I would like to produce a show of yours!” or somebody to come up and say: ”Supertrain!” who works for Caltrain and who wants to make John the boss of it, which is not utterly dissimilar from the anchorman situation. John is fielding a lot of strange offers! They say ”Dress for the anchorman you want!” and it becomes a brutal existential version of LinkedIn saying ”I would like to make you part of my professional network! Beep boop”

This is the 334th episode of this program. Merlin is in a reflective mood this morning because he hasn’t slept much and he had been looking at this number, saying ”Huh! Can you believe that?” It has been a long time! 334 is the area code of Southern Alabama.

John likes to blow up the outside world and God bless him for that! He has been really good in not bringing the outside world in because he knows it is a bee in Merlin’s bonnet. Maybe it is a capitulation that John has allowed and he has been good about that. He stopped addressing the audience mostly and they learned a lot about the contents of the show. John has done a lot of this just to make Merlin more comfortable and happy. They bounced along for a while and they have improved the show quite a bit.

John sleeping naked (RL334)

John is a natural man who enjoys to sleep commando, but ”Don’t touch my feet!” and he is going to be naked, so if you are going to yell at him in the morning, you better bring a towel. It is not just that he can sleep au naturel, but he must, so if you invite him over, be forewarned!

At the time when Merlin, John and his band were staying at Merlin's house and sitting around in their underwear together, Merlin was moving from clothed to less clothed, but John still slapped on some shorts just so they could watch the office without Merlin having to think about John’s dingus. That was so fun! They spend a lot of time just sitting around!

The other day John found a picture of Merlin picking up a very large bowl and drinking out of it like it was a small bowl. It was so funny that John or someone else thought it was worth photographing. Madeleine was there (Merlin’s wife) and it might have been at the Thai restaurant.

John only getting 4 hours of sleep (RL334)

Merlin is so fucking tired! He woke up at 3:30am this morning while John went to bed at 3:30am. Merlin almost texted John, but he didn’t know if John would leave his phone on at night. Last night Merlin watched the program (Game of Thrones) and there was a trending search on Twitter called ”Cersi” and that bugged him.

At 8am John was shaken awake by the family he is staying with, which happens to be his own family. They were standing at the foot of his bed, going ”Where are the car keys?” - ”Huh? What? Who? I slept for 4 hours!” and he got a towel on and went up because the little one doesn’t like to be late for school and she was mad and yelling, but also carrying a book and reading it at the same time. John was looking at all the places, he found a couple of sets of keys, but not the right ones, all while still wearing a towel.

Then one of the people in the house said ”Oh, wait!” and went upstairs in boots that were approximating horse’s hoofs, which is a power thing. When you hear that coming down the hallway you know it is Ms. Manager! It is a smart look, too. She came back and she had the car keys all along, ”Sorry!” and John went back to bed, knowing he had another hour before he would talk to Merlin.

Then John started to hear rustling, which is triggering because of the one time he didn’t check the rusting (see The Burglary). This time he didn’t check it either because this was not his problem, but the rustling came from something being on the roof and John does have a little bit of thing about something being on the roof or in the walls and he couldn’t just sit there, so he took the responsibility.

He looked out the window and saw that the gutter guys were here. John had not gotten any advance warning about the gutter guys coming, but they only wake him for the important meetings. He watched them at their work for a minute, trying to gauge them because he knows a thing or two about men doing work. He wanted to get a sense if they were gearing up to do a big job, like putting on their safety harnesses, sharpening their knives on a wet stone, or putting on several hats.

But these guys seemed like they were coming back around to do the thing they forgot to do, not some guys who were posting up for the day. The rustling came from a couple of articulating hoses that they had put at the bottom of the downspouts to direct the water away from the foundation. John estimated this to be done in 10 minutes and sure enough, 7 minutes later they all piled in the truck and drove away, at which point John had a few minutes to get some coffee going and talk to Merlin.

John had been in the state of mind of getting bonus sleep, which is when you wake up in this horrible time that for Merlin is between 3-5am and you can maybe sleep a little more after you woke up. You go and make coffee, but the problem with that is that you are rewarding the behavior. Ideally bonus sleep should be another hour or two that you can get on top of what should have been a shitty night’s sleep.

John almost never rejects bonus sleep, but part of what that results in is that if he has a thing at 10am he will sometimes set an alarm for 9:55am, which is cutting it pretty close. He doesn’t really go to the potty in any serious way in the early part of the day, but he just does the bare minimum there, not to bring in the outside world.

The 9/11 attacks (RL334)

9/11 was a watershed moment and when they started this show it had already become legendary. Many years ago John (see RL230, 2.5 years ago) was talking about how a group of people was convinced that the second plane had been a hologram that was being projected through holographic technology while the World Trade Center was blown up by Jews with satchels or silver bars or whatever.

Merlin will sometimes rewatch 9/11 by looking at the live coverage of the various news stations. Most of the clips you find on YouTube are around 4 hours and it is really quite a thing. He continues to talk about the different conspiracies and the conflicting story after the first plane. That morning it felt like anything could happen next.

To Merlin it didn’t feel like the second plane might have been a hologram. He knows a little bit about Trompe-l’œil painting (He is not referring to the Pixies album Trompe le Monde) and you have to be careful when you are in an Italian restaurant because you might be walking into a wall or into the beautiful homes of Santorini. Maybe you want to go to see Mr. Tumnus or into a wardrobe that looks like a delicious Musorel (?), but it turns out you are going to be walking through some kind of a stone structure.

Last night John went to a Greek restaurant that had some Trompe-l’œil paintings of people playing balalaikas or mandolins or whatever they call them. Merlin recently got his daughter some M.C. Escher books, which the kids love. There are angles and M.C. Escher in Inception, but don’t talk to John about time travel!

If you are going to do an effective Trompe-l’œil, all of a sudden the lady from the Michael Cera movie who had the baby is going to go: ”Hm, now I know how to build the maze! Don’t let anybody get my brain, I need a totem!” (probably reference to Inception). If you look at a Trompe-l’œil from a different angle you can totally see that it is a painted wall. Merlin can't imagine how you could do a whole Trompe-l’œil building that quickly, unless you got some special explosives. Maybe they got up there early and hung up some sheets?

When they talked about this before John had expressed a little bit of doubt about the possibility of arranging holograms such that the entire world except for a couple of people could be fooled into thinking that an airplane had actually crashed into the World Trade Center an unseasonably bright September morning. Most of us do not think it was any Jews, but some people do think that. Isn’t part of the beef of the antisemitic community that those people like things like trade? Blowing up the World Trade Center would be working at cross purposes with their global goals, but when it comes to the global goals of the Jews we can never really know!

At the time John had expressed some doubt about that he got some replies from people. The Venn Diagram of people who enjoy this show and people who think Bush did 9/11 is very small, or even less: The Jews did 9/11, even less: They did it using holograms. It has to be a very small group of people, but they do exist because the replies he got came from people who were very vested in their theory and they were giving John the ”I don’t think you understand!” - ”Tell me more!” and John’s problem is that he actually does want them to tell him more and so they did.

How John imagines the listenership of this show (RL334)

John likes to think of their listeners as a motley group, a ragtag fugitive fleet, like a Dirty Dozen, with an Irish guy with the hat on backwards, a kid from Brooklyn who is good at making suitcase bombs, and a gal who can do all kinds of Jiu-Jitsu and get under a laser beam on her way to the museum. The Asian fellow who can get inside the delivery cart is probably a listener of this show and there are probably some hearty people who climb trees for a living, maybe the lady who is sitting in a giant Redwood tree somewhere to keep it from being chopped down.

UFO sightings (RL334)

Recently there has been a dramatic uptick in the number of credible UFO sightings from Navy pilots. They are seeing UFOs all over and they have risen up together as a group, saying ”Stop trying to put the Kaibosh on our reports, we tots saw something!” and they want us to reopen project Blue Book because they are tired of getting the pish posh from upstairs. They got them on film! All UFO says is ”unidentified”, it doesn’t say ”little green men”, but you tell me what else can go Mach 7! There are people who have a lot of hours in the air and who have seen a lot of stuff. You can’t tell them it was a weather balloon, a sunspot or a dust devil.

John finds it curious that normally when he is reading about UFOs late at night he is giving himself tingly hairs because he is watching videos of Navy pilots going ”What the? What is that! You tell me what that is!” and they are having fun trying to chase it because they are these young kids. Normally John is giving himself chicken skin, but lately he hasn’t been. Instead he went: ”Mhmm!” because now that the UFOs are hip to the anchorman concept, they are saying: ”You just wait! This is all part of our plan! First the holograms…” They have to edge in slowly, they have been working on this for 50 years and they got a lot of patience. They travelled all those lightyears, probably not directly, but by puddle-jumping.

DocuSign (RL334)

Bike messengers do still exist! In the past there were so many of them and Merlin’s lady used to run with that ”hang out the Zeitgeist” crowd and so did John. They are hard drinkers, even the lady bike messenger, and it is a certain kind of hardcore. A lot of them probably became makers. They have the same mustache, the same black jeans, the clip-on knife, the clip-on flashlight, and they are hammering on anvils where they would just be weaving in and out of traffic on a Fixie Bike. We still need bike messengers because there are still things you can’t auto-DocuSign, like some kind of legal document or a cheque maybe.

DocuSign relieved John from ”Can you print this out, sign it and fax it back to us?” or worse ”Can you print this out, sign it and mail it back to us?” because now he can just go into DocuSign and it really incompletely and unsatisfyingly puts some facsimile of John’s signature onto a document, but that seems to satisfy everybody. They have done the heavy lifting of putting a webpage into an extremely secure app and all of a sudden everybody is fine with it. This is all it took?

John could have done this the whole past fucking 15 years, just fucking copy it and paste it! Let me just send you an email that says ”Fine!” John already put in his password behind seven proxies and every time he does a freaking thing he has to put in his password again. ”It is me! Fine!” In most cases when John says ”Fine!” the other person will send him money and they don’t need a big hullabaloo about ”I’m signing the thing”, because: Yeah, fine! Who would hack into John’s system to say ”Fine!”?

Merlin explaining cheques to his daughter (RL334)

Yesterday Merlin was explaining cheques to his daughter. They found a checkbook out of which one cheque had ever been sent as an experiment. Setting aside the Seinfeld bit about how it is an undignified thing to do, Merlin had to explain how uncanny cheques are: Here you write the number and then you also write the number with letters so nobody can fake it and you sign it with your signature. Merlin has a friend who’s car had been broken into and somebody stole her chequebook and when he showed ID at the bank he looked nothing like her, but it was okay, they got the money now because it was the 1990s and that is how cheques work.

Merlin’s daughter was looking at the chequebook and she noticed the number. You could pick what number the series started at, which seems weird. If you got cheque ”001” it was pretty much definitely stolen from somebody’s mailbox. People would look at the number and ”Is this your first day?” and they would not take this cheque because you didn’t have any money and you don’t know what was going on. If your cheques would start at ”1001” it was supposed to fool anybody and if you got cheques in the thousands you must be doing pretty good!

Chris Walla collecting girls' underwear (RL334)

Chris Walla of The Long Winters was one of the coolest bar tenders at the coolest club and he would sometimes come home at the end of a night with $300 which at the time was like ”Why don’t we just buy a freaking car?” He would go on dates with people and halfway through the dinner he would say ”Will you go to the bathroom and take off your underwear and bring it to me?” - ”I’m sorry, what?” - ”Just bring me your underwear!”

This was at a time when 9 out of 10 people would be curious enough that they would do it and he would say ”That was great!” He would come home and be like: ”I don’t think I will see her again. It is like we had sex because she gave me her underwear!” John wouldn’t let those in the house, but he told him to keep them in his purse and leave it at the Hot Box somewhere, because they were not going to collect underwear in this house!

John living with Chris Walla in a huge loft (RL334)

Chris Walla of The Long Winters, the guy who shaved Michael Schilling’s head in Merlin’s kitchen when they were all in their underwear, is a funny guy! John and Chris used to live together in a big loft that would now cost $12.000 a month, but at the time it cost $600 because it was in a neighborhood where they wasn’t anybody and now there are everybodies there. The place used to be a tire warehouse and they were living in it like some cool kids. They were urban pioneers!

They would have Rock shows, they found a piano and wheeled it down the street and put it in the freight elevator which was controlled by water. It was an aquavator! You could put 50 pianos in there and it would pump water into the hydraulicness of the thing, which was so steam-pump. It was the slowest elevator in the world and you would just sit there and listen to it put pressure into the thing by just putting water in it and when you wanted to go down it would gradually empty the water out of it.

There was so much room in that place, they had so many pianos there and they used to teach themselves to tune them. Piano-tuning day was always the worst day of elementary school. Sometimes John and Chris would sit on either end of the place and John would shoot crossbow bolts at Chris and there would be plenty of time for him to get up. "The Lannisters send their regards!” - ”A Lannister Always Pays His Debts" (reference to Game of Thrones).

They actually had a stage in that place and it was the golden age where they had a play-reading series. They put flyers up on phone poles that said ”Do you want to come to our play readings?” and at the time Capitol Hill in Seattle was a neighborhood where you could do that and only get cool actors. It was crazy!

It was Friday and ”I hope somebody comes to our play reading” and 15 people showed up and they were all 22 and beautiful and they were sitting around and Chris had copied off 20 copies of this script because he knew a girl who worked at Kinko’s and they all sat around, each picked a part and they were reading Midsummernight’s Dream aloud. They did it every week and they were not just goofing around, but this was serious.

Chris Walla selling his guitar and getting a fake cheque (RL334)

One time when John and Chris Walla lived together, Chris wanted to sell one of his guitars and he put it in the newspaper and got a phone call on their phone that was bolted to the wall and was made out of bakelite. The name of the guy who called was Luda and he wanted to buy the guitar. It was a nice guitar and Chris was selling it for a pretty good price.

Luda came over and they were all sitting around on some couches that they had found in some old theater that was being torn down. Luda was not one of them, but he was from the suburbs, he had product in his hair that was not just bike chain grease, but some kind of thing he bought at the store. He was fast-talking and he was charming.

John was pre-judging him because of his shoes, but he was a fun guy, a little like a bizdev (Business Development) guy, but he was in his casual clothes. He was somebody who would be trying to get you to buy his book ”Entrepreneurship Now”, he was in a certain world, and John is sure he could golf. He was swinging through the place and was giving them mad compliments about all the found objects that they also found were cool.

He was really interested in the guitar, he looked at it and played it, but he was not that good. He seemed like the kind of guy who would pay $800 for a guitar that he is not that good at yet, but he was learning. Chris and John felt like they wanted to keep in touch with Luda because he seemed like he had some stuff going on, maybe he knew about some things that they didn't know? Luda was their bud now! Normally you would say that you can’t take a cheque, but ”Why don’t you get down to the bank and get the money?”, but of course they were going to take a cheque from Luda!

He wrote the cheque and gave it to Chris and said that his name and number was on there in case they wanted to get in touch to hook up. Chris took it to his bank and of course the cheque was not a good cheque. It bounced over the roof, it bounced so high, and when it came back John looked at it and it was from Ludmilla Boskovich. Ludmilla is a lady-name from Eastern Europe. If Luda had handed John the cheque and John had looked at it, he might have said ”Ludmilla?”, but then Luda would have said that it was his mother’s name. Who knows!

John taking a fake traveller’s cheque at the news stand (RL334)

When John was working at the newsstand, a lady came in, she was talking fast, they were having a good-old time, and she gave John a traveler’s cheque for $100. They had a system for that, but she was bamboozling it. You can’t fake a traveller’s cheque because the first signature has to be in front of the teller and then the second signature has to match, that is how you know! It is literally fraud-proof!

John took the $100 and she bought a pack of gum and a Time Magazine which was $2.90. It turned out that her signatures matched, but the traveller’s cheque was fake and then John was the guy at work who had taken a fake traveller’s cheque, even though every one of those other ding dongs would have taken it, too! John got tisk-tisked pretty hard, ”Well, I guess we all learned our lesson, didn’t we? One of us who needed to learn a lesson?” - ”Look, I’m from the streets! You would have been taken in, too, old tripple-dyed jeans!” - ”I don’t know, only one of us did, though!” You couldn’t do that now anymore because who would even know what a traveller’s cheque was?

Picking your phone number (RL334)

It was a long time since Merlin got to pick a phone number, maybe it was back when he picked his Google Voice number. Ever since the age of the fax machine there have been way fewer phone numbers in circulation, but now they had cell phones coming along and they needed new area codes in San Francisco and people got mad. There was a time when you could be lucky to get anything!

You could go to a website and figure out what phone number you needed if you wanted it to spell a thing. It must have been after Merlin moved to San Francisco. Nobody likes to be given a phone number where they have to transliterate letters into numbers, that is not fun! Even Empire, 5882300 got a regular phone number, it isn’t like 16-EMPIRE or whatever.

John's mom still knows all the exchanges in Seattle, like 322 was East Lake 7421. She can still talk about Alabama 7924. John loves this, but he has no idea why this is better than just saying the phone number. Apparently you could also tell what neighborhood they lived in and that is pretty cool.

John picked his own phone number, but the person at the phone store said ”Well, it could start with this” and they went back and forth a few times until John found something he liked where the numbers bounced as you said it aloud. There is still a famously very slow website where you can look up phone exchanges.

Now nobody knows anybody’s phone number anymore. John doesn’t know Merlin’s phone number, but he would have known it back then! Merlin knows his wife’s phone number and of course his number from childhood, which was 513-7292202. In Seattle you could have Adams, Alder, Atwater, Avalon, Ballard and a lot more. Atwater 27456. In San Francisco these hung along longer than in other places.

Is Jeff Bridges a cross between John and his dad? (RL334)

The other day John saw a movie with Jeff Bridges. He is old now and he is really like John’s dad with a lot of the same mannerisms. He was watching this movie with the people he was staying with (his daughter's mother) and she turned to John and said Jeff Bridges was like a cross between John’s dad and John, but John didn’t think there was any John in this!

A cross between John and his dad is John or some future John! John at 68? What is that going to look like? Nobody wants to see that, except for hopefully all the people who still want to be his friend with him when he is 68. Merlin thinks Jeff Bridges genuinely enjoys his job.

Google's habit of closing popular services (RL334)

Like so many of the inputs in Merlin’s life, Google Voice has become a dingeling-sink because it is the number he gives out for stuff. It still exists and Merlin occasionally gets stuff on there. At the time it seemed like a Godsend! First it was called Grand Central, like the song Pennsylvania 6-5000 (by Glenn Miller), which was somebody’s phone number, EMPIRE WGN. Like many Google projects it got all tricked out and really cool and you could do all kinds of stuff with it, like you could hit numbers while you were talking to start recording the call.

Google has an odd or vexing habit of introducing products or features, like Google Buzz or different social networking stuff, that were mostly pretty big failures, but they also have a pretty chequered and terrible history of doing away with services or products that people love, for example at the end of March they got rid of their very good iOS email-app called INBOX.

The cover-story is that they want to focus their resources on other innovative things that they were doing and this thing that had been the thing was no longer the thing now. The Canary in the proverbial coal-mine is what is called Google Labs, where you could do the most bananas stuff. John wonders why you can’t just leave it up? It doesn’t take anything! You just keep one person who’s job it is to keep stuff rolling! On the face of it that seems true, but there is the basic maintenance and the bandwidth. Still, one or two people could do that!

They used to have this thing called Google Reader, which was an RSS feed reader that arrived on October 7th 2005 amidst a pretty slamming market for independent RSS reader apps, back in the day when you would spend $30 to buy somebody’s app to use on your Mac. Google Reader came to town, it was totally baller with an API and stuff, and drove the independent people largely out of business. Eventually they went ”Eh!” and Merlin is still mad about Google Reader. They did a Walmart: They came in, they drove out Mom & Pop, and then they decided it wasn’t that profitable and they moved their things somewhere else.

Not that many people are buying The Pixies album Trompe le Monde today, but there is a long tail and you just leave it up! Did somebody buy Pretend to Fall today? Maybe! Maybe somebody listening to the program bought it, just to be the somebody who did. Every year at the end somebody sends John a cheque for some amount of money from the long tail! Why doesn’t Google have all this suite of things that was fine before and now they are focusing on this new thing, but still: Long tail! John wants to take whoever is making decisions based on ”not profitable" out into a field.

Sometimes You see movies from England on the Internet, and you can tell it is England because they have a fully-functioning Trebuchet out there in a field. They hook up some Volkswagen Bug that is not restorable and they trebuchet that freaking car all the way who-knows-how-far. The whole point is to make a trebuchet to demonstrate to people exactly what a powerful war engine a trebuchet can be. This was a piece of medieval technology that would actually be pretty horrifying.

If you took all the people in San Jose who made business cases for cancelling products because they weren’t profitable anymore, and you put them down-range of the trebuchet in a field, they could be anywhere in this field without being chained to the ground or anything, and then this trebuchet would throw between 3 and 15 Volkswagen Bugs downrange, you just stay out of the way, is that a deal? Or do you just want to keep Google Reader up? This is what Isaac Asimov calls a thought experiment, kind of like burying some shipping containers in the desert.

It doesn’t have to be all Volkswagen Bugs, but you could do a little bit of a grapeshot by having one load be just alternators. You could get a bunch of rusty alternators that nobody is ever going to use again from a junkyard. They are about the size of a small melon, like a Cantaloupe or Cassava. You put 40 of them in a trebuchet and 36 of them might hit the ground, but 4 of them are going to hit something! Even if down-range is 1 or 2 acres, they would get long tail pretty fast.

After that experience the long tail would start to make sense to them and they would resuscitate things and bring them back. Their Flip cameras would work again! John had little 2-channel USB pre-amp where you would plug your XLR in and it would put your sound into the computer. The thing worked fine, but eventually they just stopped updating the drivers. The driver was up there, you didn’t have to update it or take it down, you just leave it up there and it will keep working. But that is not what they want, they want to sell you a new one. Sorry, your movie expired! Better luck next time! You think you own something? You don’t own anything!

How many things is Merlin licensing? All software, all the CDs are licensed! John tries to not have those licenses, but he doesn’t have a digital video recorder and he is not able to freeze Jeff Bridges ”Um ah” line readings. Back in the days they would sit in their underwear and watch Jeff Bridges, but they only had 15 seconds of it on the TiVo (see RL279). They also had some Mr. Show on the TiVo and some British Office. Sometimes they would just go on there and watch some things. They didn’t click through things because Merlin loved his DVR and would save multiple things. Merlin had curated some things before people even used that word!

Merlin found an entry on Quora by a Google engineer, writing why Google closes so many products and services. It is all about the money! It doesn’t seem that hard and they are a big company, but everybody has Stockholm Syndrome now and is like ”No, no, no, Apple!”, but your mind is in the prison! You are Patty Hearst in a closet at that point, you are going to be taking a lot of ideas and then you are Tania. Everybody does! The only people who get criticized are the ones where people smell blood in the water and then they pile on.

Outro (RL334)

What is the guy’s name who is there to say that he never liked it at all, like the girl who was the most billionaire who invented the thing where they were analyzing blood in a Coke can. She put a microscopic amount of blood in a Coke can and rolled it down a hill and now she was worth $400 million billion and one year later it was like ”Ah, we always hated you! You are the worst! You are a baddie!” Merlin doesn’t think a lot of them did.

Those million billion dollars came from somewhere! Merlin recommends the book on George Shultz, former Secretary of State, it is bananas! Henry Kissinger? Not really! Dr. Kissinger, be careful going down the steps, it is a little dark! He is going to end up living at Bohemian Grove because he is probably there now and they can’t get in there to get him out!

Merlin has to pee. He is so fucking tired.

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