BT2016 - Bridgetown Comedy Festival 2016

In this episode, Merlin and John talk about:

Merlin's chair had a stain. This show was their first Pacific Northwest Live Roderick on the Line. They had done three San Francisco live shows at SF Sketchfest before where Merlin had to travel more than 15 minutes from his house with public transit and they had done one on a cruise ship where they talked about John’s burglary (see JoCo2015).

John manages to make it to their podcast every Monday morning and it always starts the same way. The first thing he does when he arrives is clear his throat because he has not spoken to another human being for 2-3 days and a phlegm clog has formed to keep foreign matter out. It starts small and manageable, but to Merlin it almost sounds like it is becoming a throat snake. John thinks that Throatsnake was a Slash solo album, right after Anaconda Honda Part II, the awakening.

It is really early, it is barely 5pm! John would like more Merlin on his monitors. They have been at a panel about the music business with 190 people, some of them pretty high ranking. Others were in the back, asking ”How do I get my record to be successful and heard by loads of people?” - ”Have the music be good?” - " My music is good, but how do I get my record into the right hands?” - ”Be cool. Be cooler than yourself? Have the music be good and be cooler than you are!”

The way John dressed (BT2016)

John brought back the Pulling-your-pants-up-hack: If you pull your pants up, it elongates the leg. Merlin got a short rise and he has a lot of room to really move this thing up. There are three different hips: The top hip, the middle hip (which is what people would say is the hip) and the bottom hip. The problem is that people are wearing their pants on the bottom hip. A lot of those kids in the audience are Millennials and they have one set of hips, but they also like symmetry, like ”Me toes all look the same on both sides”, ”My testicles are equidistant” That is because they are under 30.

As soon as you get over 30, you have to pick a side. John was worked hard on his middle area (tapping on his crotch region) and he tries to fill this area out. He does not want you to not see this area, because it is his area of pride. He has vertical and horizontal lines in his pants so you can see the bulge and it looks like a special effect. Merlin has several concerns about John’s pants. They are a bit camouflage and on a ship painted in Zebra stripes you couldn’t see John at a distance at all. He could make it kittywampus across a golf course and not a single person would see him.

Getting a coupon for the Adidas store (BT2016)

At every festival you get a swag bag and usually it is full of garbage, like you can return this to get a free bookmark or if you would fall off a boat, this keychain will illuminate. At most tech conference you get coupon codes for 20% discount on Enterprise software. At this conference they got a discount for locally made goods, 15% off for the public and 25% off for comedians. The word ”goods” used to mean a bag of rice, but with this thing they could get a gold pen and a pair of boots. They have come full circle because they got a Portland bag with a gold pen.

Merlin would like to visit a bespoke D&D shop which probably exists in Portland. He said backstage: ”No Portland! No poop!” (-jokes), because everybody does Portland jokes and they don’t have to do Portland jokes because they know it is true. Does anybody in the audience have a tattoo of a pig with a Macklemore haircut?

They fell for this one flyer and they paid $24 on an Uber to the Adidas employee store. There was a velvet rope and a bunch of people in all kind of weird gear, they waited in line, went into the store, wandered around, and apparently Adidas employees only want golf pants. Merlin was looking for soccer shoes, but it turned out they were in the middle of a golf shop. John is very much into golf clothes, but only up until and not past 1972. With contemporary golf clothes something has happened where golf is now considered a sport whereas formerly it was an excuse to drink Scotch all day and do business and make jokes about the black.

They had special gear for playing golf that was to wick away sweat so you are super-cool when you run around your cart. It was super-technical and John and Merlin were very confused. They thought that this couldn't possibly be the extend of it and there must be more store and when they asked they got pointed in the right direction. They had an intense human experience with a frenzy of people gobbling up this Adidas-branded stuff.

John was wandering around looking for a Run DMC track suit, which is the one Adidas thing anyone wants together with some shell toe shoes. In a dedicated Adidas store there should be all of the things! John and Merlin got the stupid feeling that they had a coupon for 15% off, but even if they would have given them these things for free, they would still have been a burden. If they would have put it into the gift bag they wouldn’t have kept it, but when it says: ”Come down to Large Blessiers and decommissioned landmines barn” John would gladly go there.

Their audience are local entrepreneurs and they shouldn't give them ideas, but Matt Haughey was already taking notes. There were no Adidas employees in the audience and John assumed that this Adidas shit-talking was resonating with them. There were a lot of IT people there who do technical 3D-rendering with XHTML. John talked like his dad when he was learning about Talking Heads in 1988, but the Millennials are not going to know what that is.

Millennial Girlfriend (BT2016)

John started dating a Millennial recently. She had heard about the Kennedy assassination and at one point she asked him if it happened in a car. John was so thrilled because it meant that he had to show her every Kennedy assassination video he had ever seen, mansplain them all to her, pause them and rewind them. She didn’t have any questions, but she was looking at her Periscope or at John Mayer on SnapChat, who is so good that if you are wearing panties they will fall to the floor. He smiles, he turns that smile all the way up to 110 Watts and he tells little jokes, but he is just a normal guy like everybody else. Whenever John tries to imitate him, it sounds like Morrissey.

New trends in Indie Rock (BT2016)

Several years ago something happened in Indie Rock where people were projecting their voices from between their ears. Sometimes Merlin ends up watching the wrong channels, and there will be a video about whistling and stomping an ukulele. John started to listen to his own music now and he realized that for 80% he should have just been stomping. He left $1 million on the table.

Subway sandwiches (BT2016)

Last night John was in the lobby waiting for Merlin, they were headed out, and about 15 minutes later Merlin said ”There have got to be Subway sandwiches here! We better hurry if we want in on this!” and while John was looking for a parking spot Merlin texted him ”Too late!” This is the thing he does! It is genius!

One time John was in San Francisco, they walked into a Subway, both ordered a sandwich and Merlin asked John ”You ever had a BLT?” - ”No!” - ”Let’s get a BLT!” and then he goes ”You ever had one of those?” - ”No!” - ”We have one of those, too!” and Merlin ordered a sandwich sampler for the table, but the table was just them standing in line, and then they stood over literally an open sewer with gras and human waste and all took one bite out of each sandwich. ”You guys got to have a little bite!” - ”No, we got our own sandwiches!” (see RL246, RL268)

Their hotel rooms (BT2016)

They have to be careful talking about the following because the festival organizers are here. When they asked them to do the show, John replied that Merlin doesn’t like to travel and their hotel had to be really nice. They found a really nice hotel that they got a super-good deal on, but it is at 3rd and Burnside and John replied: ”I have been to Portland and I got a really good sense of 3rd and Burnside. I know that things have changed, but 3rd and Burnside will never change!”

They insured him that it was a really nice hotel that got refurbished with all of the charm retained. Some of the charm was truly charming in the form of narrow hallways and some hotel residents have bathroom down the hall. It is not like Green Tortoise Hostel. The lobby almost like you took a not-that-nice RV and turned it into a bar/café. They have two birds and drugs, which is John’s life.

John’s room is fantastic! It has a couch, two towels, pretty much anything that he hadn’t asked for. Merlin does not have a couch in his room and it is like you would imagine to be in witness protection: a bed and two tables, one of them would be the table for the TV if they had a TV. John does not own a TV because he is from the Northwest and is superior to television, but for Merlin it meant that he had to take his giant iPad out of his suitcase to watch Gilmore Girls on that. Not having a TV in your hotel room is the opportunity to discover something new, like do some workout.

Merlin does not like going places, but when he does go places he has a workflow: He goes to the hotel, takes out all his stuff, gets a bunch of ice, drinks some water, watches cheap fucking TV and orders $100 room service. He orders the Sesame Hotel (?) steak and whatever has syrup/sherpa (?) in it and he will sit there and think about how terrible it is. Merlin needs a whole system in a hotel with an ice machine and a TV. There is an expectation! There should be a way to have French Fries brought to your room for money and you should be able to watch Chopped. It is a cooking show about chopping onions, not about choppers or old 35x4s.

When John got back to his hotel room this afternoon the sheets had been tucked back in, there were two fresh towels, and there was a walkie-talkie lying on the floor, but just one. John couldn’t hear anything and shook it, but nothing happened. If they had given him a broad sword, he would already have been in on the adventure. Who has the other walkie talkie? Merlin recommends John to go ”Hello?” in a Jerry Lewis impression.

John says that you are supposed to go outside and look for unlocked doors. It didn’t appear as if the walkie-talkie had been dropped off, but it was right in the center of the living room. Was this some kind of Vietcong thing where he will fall into a punji trap? John picked it up and the explosive didn’t go off. He should probably check for panels in the wall, but of course he did that when he checked in.

Merlin doesn’t know how to describe his room accurately. There are no things in his room, not even a desk. John’s room has a couch, but Merlin doesn’t have anywhere to sit except on the bed. John starts to realized that this is a sex hotel! "You are at home here, don’t worry!" A complaint would be that she doesn’t have a TV!

The Lumineers (BT2016)

Carice van Houten, who plays The Red Woman (Melisandre in Game of Thrones), follows John on Twitter, because she is Dutch and The Long Winters are huge in the Netherlands. Before she even became a TV star, who was … Spoiler alert!… she and her team were listening to The Long Winters back when they were a popular Dutch… //Merlin apparently went up from his seat and was stomping around on stage while singing to one of John’s songs. You can put a 4/4 beat into a 3/4 timing, which is what they did in that song. What do you call that terrible music? It is okay to make fun of it as long as we pretend to go along.

One of John’s friends, although that is a little exaggerated, asked John to play at his friend’s birthday party and because he had a little leverage over John he said ”Yes” to this. As he showed up he told John that he wanted to hear an Elvis tune and Ho Hey from The Lumineers (song from a TV show), but John doesn’t have a TV and had never seen a single episode. Merlin applauds John’s brave stance: Not having TV is so important today!

John has never heard The Lumineers, but he is friends with the manager. Merlin finds that insufferable, but most people in the room do know a Lumineers hit, but don’t know the manager. John listened to the tune because he wanted to learn it before he would play it in front of people and it was astonishing to him and a reminder that there was very little in the song. It is constructed out of almost nothing, something about being on Canal Street, but the line was only ”I am on Canal Street!” with no context.

John learned the song and was reminded that no-one cares about lyrics and no-one cares about music, so why did he try so hard for so long? People just want a playlist! John should have asked: "How many people are in The Lumineers?" John has been heading into podcasting and it turns out it is making him more money than Rock ’n’ Roll. If John would have been at this festival with a band, he would have to pay two other guys. The guy with the High Hat and the other guy, John doesn’t remember what he did. He would say ”Hi!” to him when he left the stage, though. John misses those days because more people would listen to him who’s faces he could see react what he said, whereas now it is just an undifferentiated mass.

Hiring a street musician to The Long Winters (BT2016)

There have never been more than six people in The Long Winters at any given time. One time when John was 20 years old he saw a street kid his age who was already playing like he had a Fedora with a thick feather in it. He was playing acoustic guitar for money on the street and he was busking at a time when John really admired that. He had talent, he had the guts, and he looked rough in a Tom Wayne way.

John was also on the sidewalks at the time, but he was useless because he didn’t earn any money and he didn’t have a feather in his hat. 15 years later John ran into the same guy again, he was still playing guitar and he had still a feather in his hat and John offered him to join the Long Winters! And he did, they did one tour together and he stayed in Merlin’s house. Back in day Merlin would let any band stay in his house for days, but he just wanted the attention.

His name was Darren (Loucas) and he played the shit out of the guitar, but somebody who was really good at playing the guitar didn’t really belong in the band, like ”What is that guy doing up there with those guys?” It made everybody uncomfortable, but it was great for a while, like going back to your High School reunion and giving everybody $100.000 because you started Facebook. John always wanted to do that: Become extremely rich and go back to his High School and just give everybody $100.000.

When John was in Harvey Danger they played the Letterman Show on the night of the guitar player’s 10-year High School anniversary. Everyone at the High School reunion gathered around the TV to watch their classmate play on the Letterman show. Merlin interjects: ”What a terrible night!” The guy on stage could feel the reverberations in the universe, he could feel his classmates watching him. All the energy!

John getting a cold sore at his 20-year High School reunion (BT2016)

John didn’t go to his 10-year reunion, but he went to the 20-year reunion. The night before there was a party, it was the perfect night, and John felt he connected with all the people that he had aspired to be friends with in High School. All his real friends were there and they had an awesome time together! John’s hair looked good and on that night before the actual reunion he was just basking with feelings of love and awesomeness.

Then he felt that he was going to get a cold sore. This was before Abreva, which is a magic salve when you get cold sores. John got a stress bump, but he had nothing else going on in his face. It was like if a stress bump comes along right when you are about to go on a date. You felt this was going to go great, but: "Not so fast! We are going to make this really weird, you are going to be uncomfortable and tired and self-conscious. No-one is going to want to be near you!"

John was staying at his uncle and aunt’s house because the reunion was in Alaska. John’s aunt was about 80 years old and this was the most intimate exchange he ever had with her. He said ”Aunt Iva (?), I am getting a cold sore on the eve of my 20th High School reunion!” and she got her make-up kit and proceeded to work on John’s makeup and created an upper lip and a lower lip, she reconstructed him like Steve Austin, she made him better than he was.

She even gave him a little emergency kit and John went to his reunion. People up close would notice that John was talking funny, but for all the photographs and most of the distance work it was fine. John was quieter than normal, but he made it through the event. John feels like by revealing this and sharing it with the audience now he has finally processed it and it will not haunt him anymore. Now he won’t wake up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, imagining a cold sore.

Merlin will get a cold sore basically any time there is a wedding in his life, even on his own wedding day. He had gotten it a couple days before so he had enough time worrying about it, too. Even if it is not your own wedding, a stress bump at a wedding really sucks, because there will be people you haven’t seen in a long time. People cancel weddings because of that! In case of Merlin’s wedding there was a makeup-artist who couldn’t speak to him, but she took out her toolbox and fixed him up, which was a real gift!

Old-timey treatments, Japanese toilets (BT2016)

People from the old generation often had a skill set and a tool set, but that hardly exist anymore. When John's aunt masked his cold sore on his high school reunion day she got her tools out and basically got his car running again. She tuned the carburetor and got him down the road until he could get to a proper mechanic. She had mad skills that are lost to time, but John got to see this glimpse into the past. There were a lot of old-timey treatments with leeches or hot cups that pulled a tumor out. You can buy those in 6-packs at Walgreens. Merlin tried ear candles once, but that will put more wax into your ears, turns out!

Merlin asked how many times John has given himself an enema, and John wonders if it counts if you take the massage shower head to your butt and fill it up with water, then you sit on it and then squirt around the bath room. Merlin is singing to not have to hear the details of John’s story and he wouldn’t classify this as an enema. Merlin talks about Japanese Toto toilets that will shower your bottom. He was reluctant about it at first, but it will change your weekend! You will have extra reading time and you will find out things about things. You can press that button as many time as you want, you can regulate the heat. There is an own Japanese icon for it.

John’s dad’s condo with the Jacuzzi tub (BT2016)

John’s dad never owned a house because he didn’t want to maintain the outside structure. He was comfortable living inside, but outside he wanted to be someone else’s responsibility. He lived in condos and he thought you never had to paint a condo and all condos in the house have the same color because if you would choose your own color, it would break the whole condo vibe. When John was in 7th grade his dad moved to a new condo with a built-in Jacuzzi tub, a normal-sized tub, but with jets. Everybody has seen these now, but at the time this was a revolution.

John has used those jets in any possible way until he had despoiled the valve and you couldn’t turn it on without something coming out that was foamy. John’s dad had a new girlfriend who was pretty fancy and at a certain point, nobody ever spoke about this, she stopped using the bath. Of course John was in 7th grade and as soon as he left the room, the room stopped to exist. It was great! John was the only person in the house who used that bathtub and he didn’t understand why nobody ever used the Jacuzzi, but it was obviously because the water was milky and they probably assumed that there was something in the pipes.

SEO, Social Media (BT2016)

Merlin was teaching John about SEO, but not only about the good SEO, but also about the unknown dark side where you don’t just want to get your things to the top, but also about sending the shit you don’t want at the top to the bottom, which is called black-hat SEO. There was a website called Klout that tracked your social media activity and gave you a reading of how influential you were. John asked the audience who knew their klout score. Merlin found it to be a douchebag thing!

They gathered things from your social graph and give you some baloney bullshit number that represented how influential you were inside your community. Under a period of 10 days to 10 weeks people actually told John that hotels would google you and check your klout score and give you a better room. He had heard that many times (search for related tweets). Your klout score was going to determine your life score or: You life style would determine your death style.

Owning a battle ship or an aircraft carrier (BT2016)

John Wayne once bought a battle ship (the USS YMS-328), a World War II warship that he converted into his own yacht. This was what the Greatest Generation was capable of! He never served a day in the Army, but he played a lot of sergeants who piloted those types of frigates. So many billionaires in the world right now are just blowing it because they could own an aircraft carrier. There are six aircraft carriers moldering in Everett Washington. The fun you could have on your own aircraft carrier!

Paul Allen tries to make his boat look as inconspicuous as you can make a 4200 foot boat look. He makes it look douchey, like all boats, to make it blend in. He parks further out and you look at it in forced perspective so it looks just as big all the other boats. If Paul Allen owned the USS Enterprise they wouldn’t make fun of him, but they would pour admiration upon him.

Some of your goals, as complex, difficult and evil as they are, should be to get to a level of taste where you can buy a decommissioned frigate, one that has a good Carma score (see Carma app below) and has never been in the Golf of Oman, one that has never been part of an invasion, no slaves, but John would be alright if it had cruised the Straight of Malacca. It could be a pirate ship, but pirate ships now are just like inflatable ships and they don’t have cool old pirate ships anymore.

People even buy a fucking Harley Davidson, people buy anything! The only Harley people that Merlin sees are 60 and shouldn’t own a Harley. John says that Harleys are coming back with young people and Merlin should be careful what he is saying. Merlin’s point being: Those entrepreneurs are actually just near-psychotic. They want to enjoy less, they can’t stop, they won’t stop, they got to just be doing whatever until everybody builds a fucking space ship. Your ambition is dark, it is totally cool, let’s say ”Five years to frigate, whatever it takes!”, that is now John’s Kickstarter.

Making an app called Carma to rate bad drivers (BT2016)

Sometimes you see someone being a terrible driver, you watch them for a little bit longer because it is fun to watch, but then you realize that one day this guy is going to sell his car and whoever gets it will think it is haunted. It will look great, but they will have nothing but problems with it because the previous owner gas-braked it and jerked it and the car has been rattled to death. John wants there to be an app where you can put in the license plate of any car and say ”This driver is fucked up, don’t buy his car!”, or you could say ”This driver was fine, but he was a dick! Don’t buy this car, because fuck him!” The app would be called Carma.

Their app will start out with a simple C2C model, but as it develops further dick detection will be built in and it can be used to identify assholes everywhere. They are going to make money one way or the other, they don’t have to worry about that now. First they are going to get a lot of users, and then they will turn it into money somehow. Being a good person on Carma is not predicated on you actually being a good person, but it is predicated to appearing to be a good person while you are driving, which is a separate set of skills.

Carma will be pure play at first because they will mostly say honest things about it as long as it doesn’t get in the way of growth, but as the system matures to phase II you will be able to change your own Carma. You sold somebody a haunted car and don’t like your Carma? Cross Merlin’s palm! John doesn’t like that idea and he wants bad Carma to stick around. Cars will go away, unless they are haunted, because haunted cars never go away. There are 135 million people in the haunted car vertical who are feeling underserved and this will be a $150 million revenue stream.

Right now, right before cars will go away, we have the technology to send messages to people’s in-car computer screens saying ”I am tailgating you, fuck you!” There should be a way for cars within 100 feet (30 m) to communicate with each other through their internal GPS navigation system. We should be able to bluetooth-talk to our car and say ”Car, tell the car in front of me to speed up or fuck off, to keep moving and get out of the way”

Then their bluetooth should go ”Incoming message: Driver in car behind you says: Keep moving and get out of the way!” and their Carma score chart will just point straight down. If they pound the gas and move out of the way, their Carma score will up again, it will all be in real-time. They would need to do this before cars go away and this will be a six-year project, which is longer than SnapChat has been around.

Car-ma might be the first thing they will get off the ground. Their audience is a giant Manchurian Candidate: They are all adolescent developers who are just waiting to be activated. It is like a French movie: you are moving by the person who could have been your mate for life all that time, except it is with Ryan Gosling. On one of the next episodes of Roderick on the Line they are going to be talking about Supertrain and John is going to say ”Barbara, Barbara, Barbara!” and all of a sudden it will be happening!

Pretty soon they will pull out the bootstrap and out comes Carma! There will be 2.0 and 2.2, you will be able to buy it on the AppStore and it will have in-app purchases. There are will be pre-IPOs, IPOs, post-IPOs, and second rounds of funding. The money-truck is going to back up and dump money on them. Merlin is concerned they are not going to have enough baskets, but John is not going to allow the money truck into his loading dock, he is going to re-direct the money truck right to the Frigate.

Dinner with Adam Savage (BT2016)

The other day John was having dinner with Adam Savage of Mythbusters. Over the course of the dinner several people came by, including the Sushi chef, asking Adam to sign things and Adam is always very gracious. Most people would say to John ”I’m sorry to interrupt!”. Then somebody asked John ”Are you one of the hosts of the podcast Roderick on the Line?” - ”Yes” - ”I have never seen your face, but I recognized your voice!” He didn’t know who Adam Savage was. It made John feel like the Manchurian Candidate farm is waiting for the dulcet tone of his voice. They don’t know they are being activated, and that is good! You want a skill distribution model with different skills, and there are surely also Android developers.

Mostly inaudible (BT2016)

the following section was mostly inaudible on the recording but has been included for reference purposes.

How could you tell if it was work? Portland is one of the few cities of the world where at least 40% of Portland Holders people (?) can also do martial arts. A lot of dudes are street waxing, people who are taking their shirts off and going through their bag. They are also super-dangerous and yelling at each other. There are a lot of enthusiasts counting the same money over and over again.

Portland is really close to Oregon, it is right over the border. You can’t move through a Mega Smiggle (?)(inaudible), but you have to go around. (Something) moved to the metric system, but that is okay. John was on haunted squares all of a sudden. He spent years… There is this boutique Mega Smiggle, the blue stuff that you can’t get everywhere. It is not the same as Pendleton, it is not how dowels met. They are playing at the false Maddison Park because they are abducted by UFOs.

Audience questions (BT2016)

At this point they were getting down to the 4/5th moment of the program. There was a microphone for audience questions and some people probably had unanswered questions, but all of them found it embarrassing to get up in front. Merlin offers the first person who does it one of their discount coupons for $5 off an ice cream cone, which should be the entirety of an ice cream cone. If not, then we do have a problem and things have gone off the rails. Is it better if people enjoy life joyfully, but less?

What flavor of ice cream cone should I get?

John doesn’t like potatoes or olives, that is why he can’t go to Voodoo Donalds (?) because he can’t have hash browns and olives. His preferred ice cream combination ever since he went to Baskin Robbins when he was about six years old is Orange Sherbet on top and Plain Chocolate at the bottom. It is the full ice cream experience! Lately he has been doing it with Blackberry ice cream which they didn’t have when he was a kid, and chocolate. Merlin likes whatever his daughter lets him have that she has not eaten secretly. She has become sneaky and Merlin is totally ignorant.

John’s kid is still defiant. She plants one foot, she plants the other foot, and whatever it is, she is against it! Merlin doesn’t think that is the smart way to go, but if you want to get shit done, you got to butter people up, you got to be two-faced and you got to do business. You have to be so credible most of the time that you can pull off the craziest fucking horse shit that nobody thought you were capable of. You discover $120 in your daughter’s room, comic books that no child should even know about, let alone have, and you discover a bunch of kitchen knives!

It is in John’s daughter's genes to demand satisfaction immediately before anybody has even ripped her off. She already feels like this backpack is bullshit! Turn it on, turn it off! That is what John learned the hard way from being broken up with (inaudible) Because he is immoral and he has it all turned off.

At this point nobody has any more questions, which is a bribery issue. They are giving away another coupon with 50% at a store.

Sandra: She sees trends that other people don’t see, like Stomp Rock. She suspects they are all around her. As a musician, how do you know what trends to put your money on?

In the early 1980s people were putting a lot of money into the idea the Glockenspiels were here to stay and all music was from now on going to have Glockenspiels. People bought really top-end Glockenspiels, building Glockenspiel racks for touring, and then, turns out: That was over really fast. If you instead had invested in a kick-drum in a backpack or if you had put steeple wings down (?), you would be worth $1 million now!

It is very difficult to know which trend is going to be lasting. John feels like the four on the floor kick drum is actually on a tunnel, bringing new ways to the 4/4 beat, because you can do anything over the top. Then there is the Banjo. Merlin is stomping around on stage. The problem is that it takes a year to get anything into production and by the time you are trying to jump onto a fad it is already over and the next fad is already here, like for example a chainsaw guitar. John loves about Harley Davidson that they are still exactly the same as they have always been.

Supertrain vs Snow Piercer

Supertrain is a thing they talk about. Chris Evans launched Snow Piercer for bigots (?), but the problem was that it was unsustainable and John could not accept it as a metaphor for a hierarchical society.

They suddenly talk about dark chocolate bars. It is nothing with George W Bush, name something the opposite of what it sounds like.

John has spent a lot of time discussing this so far and telling somebody you are a comedian is the only bar to entry.

Next question (inaudible)

We are right on the cusp of the national legalization of pot. Why don’t we have a kind bar in reserve for a thing that could truly be kind? That is what we should call a pot candy bar: A kind bar. Instead they are naming them Nut Cockroach bars until pot is legal and then they are starting through. It is just a front, like merlinmann.org or Merlin Mann on Snapchat.

Updates on the RV, will there be Roderick on the Line on the road?

Merlin says: ”Honey, it’s me! I was having a pretty bad year, I have been working all the time, you have been alone with raising our child, but good news: I’m going to have an RV. About $40 a night. Love you!” (inaudible) What it should be is a TV show where Merlin and John drive around the country, meeting black listers (see GMC RV). ”I’m sorry, honey!” Women love it when you fuck up and then just apologize.

John tried to start the RV, but it was dead. It hadn’t been that long since he had last started it. He took the battery back to the battery store and told them it was broken, but the guy said that the battery is fine. John said: ”Check again!” - ”You are right, this battery is faulty!” and they gave him a new battery and the RV started right up. Paul & Storm were there and John put them into the RV and they drove around the neighborhood. Then John parked it in front of his house again and that was it.

The RV is going to come back strong because the spring is here! John cannot imagine having an RV that looked any different than the GMC RV, which is why he is constantly sending letters to Elon Musk, because John wants him to buy all GMC RVs and retrofit them with battery-powered rear wheels to make them hybrid vehicles that can also go into space.

Step 1) Get some old RVs. This is part of Kickstart a Cricket, (inaudible) Mexican Jungle Bee, which are small bugs or worms. Are there any scientists here? As Elon Musk you buy some RVs and you put all Tesla undercarriage. If you wind up with a Tesla undercarriage, mail to moc.liamg|kciredor.nhoj#moc.liamg|kciredor.nhoj Then they will take to the streets, a gang of cool-tech cool kids, they will be driving the snakes out of Ireland (?)

It will be a social revolution! They will go after the banks and change the Democratic party and a later nomination process happens, here is this convoy, they will ask ”Who wants to be on the Supertrain?” What step is this? It is a 40-step process. Harmon Fritton (Inaudible) is a staircase that goes up to Orlando, turns… (inaudible), and there are all these landings and nobody sees the Friggid (inaudible)

They normally end the show on a bell that Merlin arbitrarily rings when John starts talking about religion.

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